The "let's talk" thread

[Bigga]

I can only offer this, dont know if its any good but... talk to your first wife, it seems you can. Tell her when she puts you down it fucks with your head. Tell her you'd like to have your daughter over more as well. That may help sort you out a little. Not sure what to say about your second problem with your current wife.

Okay, whilst not wanting to shit on another poster's advice as it's meant to be helpful, talking to his ex is not going to help.

Put it this way, she knows what she's saying is hurtful, which is why she says it. Speaking to her about that 'pain' will only serve to confirm to her she's doing the damage she wants to. A good person wouldn't actively hurt their child's parent.

One should never give away their power, openly.

Just recently split up with my girlfriend of 4 years , we have a 2 1/2 year old daughter together who is my entire world. I Had our whole life’s planed in my head we have a nice house well paid job etc now I just feel lost.
She says I can see her whenever I want and would never stop me seeing her but I just can’t get my head around not seeing her everyday.
Not really sure what I want to get from posting this , never talk to anyone about how I feel and still not told my family what’s going on suppose it’s easier just saying it here.

If you ever want to chat let me know. Exactly the same situation. No one realises how hard it is for fathers when they lose seeing their child every day.

As these two posts are linked, let me say this; fathers who love their kids feel the greatest strain when it comes to not waking with them every day. The depression and suicide rate for these fathers are extremely high.

There's no earthly reason for mothers to be seen as best caregivers for children as they are chemically different every day and, therefore, emotionally driven which often leads to bad decision making. As a rule, kids are, statistically, better off in a 2 parent household, but based upon the factual stats on women, I'm not sure why men are not 50/ 50 when it comes to single parent care of children.

You guys aren't alone.

 

[Prestwich_Blue]

I'm really struggling at the moment. Been my mum's carer getting on for 2 years now and she's now on end of life medication. It's tough watching her in bed panting for breath. She's at home where she wants to be so i just hope she isn't suffering as she's too weak to talk. I'll be relieved when she's not suffering anymore because its tough for me and the family to cope with seeing her suffer like this. So sad. : (

So sorry to hear this. I went through exactly the same thing 4 years ago and it was hard. She's at peace now but you've still got the burden of the last few months to bear.

 

[Thorin Oakenshield]

Okay, whilst not wanting to shit on another poster's advice as it's meant to be helpful, talking to his ex is not going to help.

Put it this way, she knows what she's saying is hurtful, which is why she says it. Speaking to her about that 'pain' will only serve to confirm to her she's doing the damage she wants to. A good person wouldn't actively hurt their child's parent.

One should never give away their power, openly.





As these two posts are linked, let me say this; fathers who love their kids feel the greatest strain when it comes to not waking with them every day. The depression and suicide rate for these fathers are extremely high.

There's no earthly reason for mothers to be seen as best caregivers for children as they are chemically different every day and, therefore, emotionally driven which often leads to bad decision making. As a rule, kids are, statistically, better off in a 2 parent household, but based upon the factual stats on women, I'm not sure why men are not 50/ 50 when it comes to single parent care of children.

You guys aren't alone.

Dude I have to say, your attitude to women especially your ex seems incredibly bitter, you wrote another post a week ago to me where you started talking about one thing then started attacking your ex and her fella. Its time to let it go and accept it.


My kid moved out at 3 years old and it was tough, very tough. But its been over 5 years now and we have all adjusted but you got to accept it. Stop wallowing.

Regarding single mums, I know some amazing single mums, I was raised by a single mum. The shit they go through is immense, for all the talk about 50/50 time with kids, fact is a lot of people dont want that. Fair enough if you want it but would it be practical for you? You could juggle your kids and work for 3 and half days?

Out of curiosity what are most guys here paying in maintenance?

 

[Bigga]

Dude I have to say, your attitude to women especially your ex seems incredibly bitter, you wrote another post a week ago to me where you started talking about one thing then started attacking your ex and her fella. Its time to let it go and accept it.


My kid moved out at 3 years old and it was tough, very tough. But its been over 5 years now and we have all adjusted but you got to accept it. Stop wallowing.

Regarding single mums, I know some amazing single mums, I was raised by a single mum. The shit they go through is immense, for all the talk about 50/50 time with kids, fact is a lot of people dont want that. Fair enough if you want it but would it be practical for you? You could juggle your kids and work for 3 and half days?

Out of curiosity what are most guys here paying in maintenance?

No, I know some great women. I know some great women who have the same feeling I expressed towards their exes, who also can understand the attitude of the type I mentioned, so you can shove that one.

I'm not on here asking advice about women and not following through, am I? We have our experiences and the things those lads are going through are familiar.

I haven't spoke about ALL fathers needing 50/ 50 access to their kids, but the ones that love their kids and struggling to cope.

Everything I've said is practical and honest. If you want them to go cap-in-hand and on their knees for their own kids, then say that.

As for my ex, for her to sleep with guys under her roof that my boys live at, 2 WEEKS after I left because she "has a live to live", shows you know fuck all about what you're talking about. Not even at their gaff or a hotel room and my boys had to see men they didn't know. So how about shut the fuck up and I have a right to be annoyed at that behaviour.

 

[BlueMoonRisin’]

So sorry to hear this. I went through exactly the same thing 4 years ago and it was hard. She's at peace now but you've still got the burden of the last few months to bear.

It's ok mate, I'm coming to terms with it pal, it was for the best.

I did everything i could for mum to make her last few months as pleasant as possible. I was at her house up to 15 hours a day 6-7 days a week. It was mentally draining and has had an impact on me.

I need to get my life together and get back into paid employment. I have a few ideas what i want to do but not sure as yet. I also need to lose about 2 stone and get fitter which i will.

Also like to thank @Bigg Bigg Blue. It's appreciated that you dropped what you were doing and met up for a few drinks Sunday evening,. Thanks mate. Whilst we were talking in the beer garden i noticed an attractive tall blonde lady glance over 3 or 4 times but i could see she and her friend were about to drink up and go.

I caught her eye and asked if she (they) had a good night. She said she had but was tired so going home. I asked if I could buy her and her friend a drink which she accepted. Bigg fella acted as my wing man talking to her friend whilst i chatted to blondie. Got her number and am planning on taking her on a date, which I'm looking forward to: )

 

[Dirty Harry]

Mum died peacefully at home yesterday afternoon. I had to nip to the chemist for morphine and when i got back my daughter said mum was dying. It was quite an emotional moment but as she drew her last breath i held her hand and told her i loved her. I think she held on for me

RIP mum x

So sorry to hear that mate, and just to say, there may be times in the future where you wonder whether that part may be just wishful thinking, but don’t believe it, I’d put good money on it that she actually did mate.

Sincere condolences.

 

[Nethermoor]

Okay, whilst not wanting to shit on another poster's advice as it's meant to be helpful, talking to his ex is not going to help.

Put it this way, she knows what she's saying is hurtful, which is why she says it. Speaking to her about that 'pain' will only serve to confirm to her she's doing the damage she wants to. A good person wouldn't actively hurt their child's parent.

One should never give away their power, openly.





As these two posts are linked, let me say this; fathers who love their kids feel the greatest strain when it comes to not waking with them every day. The depression and suicide rate for these fathers are extremely high.

There's no earthly reason for mothers to be seen as best caregivers for children as they are chemically different every day and, therefore, emotionally driven which often leads to bad decision making. As a rule, kids are, statistically, better off in a 2 parent household, but based upon the factual stats on women, I'm not sure why men are not 50/ 50 when it comes to single parent care of children.

You guys aren't alone.

All of this! It's hard. It's been the hardest thing I've dealt with and it's eaten away at me for years to the point of now not wanting more children in case it happens again. And as you say my ex does it to get at me. Usually does it after I've said my piece on something she doesn't agree with.

My wife doesn't get it. She said we won't ever split up, but we both aren't happy. Which baffles me.

 

[Nethermoor]

Dude I have to say, your attitude to women especially your ex seems incredibly bitter, you wrote another post a week ago to me where you started talking about one thing then started attacking your ex and her fella. Its time to let it go and accept it.


My kid moved out at 3 years old and it was tough, very tough. But its been over 5 years now and we have all adjusted but you got to accept it. Stop wallowing.

Regarding single mums, I know some amazing single mums, I was raised by a single mum. The shit they go through is immense, for all the talk about 50/50 time with kids, fact is a lot of people dont want that. Fair enough if you want it but would it be practical for you? You could juggle your kids and work for 3 and half days?

Out of curiosity what are most guys here paying in maintenance?

I pay £150 per month. But I have just dropped it to 130 due to fuel costs. I live about 20 minutes away and pick my daughter up and drop off every time due to my ex not being a driver. I have my daughter 1/2 of the week too. I buy her clothes and pay for everything when she is with me (which should be obvious, but some guys don't).

I know you have to accept it. But it doesn't make it easier mate. I would like to have her here with me weekdays so i can make sure she goes to school. I live accross from a school so i could make it work! Hell would freeze over before my ex would let it happen.

 

[Blue Mist]

Okay, whilst not wanting to shit on another poster's advice as it's meant to be helpful, talking to his ex is not going to help.

Put it this way, she knows what she's saying is hurtful, which is why she says it. Speaking to her about that 'pain' will only serve to confirm to her she's doing the damage she wants to. A good person wouldn't actively hurt their child's parent.

One should never give away their power, openly.





As these two posts are linked, let me say this; fathers who love their kids feel the greatest strain when it comes to not waking with them every day. The depression and suicide rate for these fathers are extremely high.

There's no earthly reason for mothers to be seen as best caregivers for children as they are chemically different every day and, therefore, emotionally driven which often leads to bad decision making. As a rule, kids are, statistically, better off in a 2 parent household, but based upon the factual stats on women, I'm not sure why men are not 50/ 50 when it comes to single parent care of children.

You guys aren't alone.

@Bigga Not a problem. I read it and felt awful for the OP. That's one problem of a thread like this, I may have been doing more harm than good.

 

[Bigga]

@Bigga Not a problem. I read it and felt awful for the OP. That's one problem of a thread like this, I may have been doing more harm than good.

Glad you didn't take offence.

Some other 'well meaning' guys on here have gotten lucky in their relationships with exes, but the majority of splits end up toxic. So, I talk about the rule, not the exception and communication with exes take YEARS to resolve.

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

It's ok mate, I'm coming to terms with it pal, it was for the best.

I did everything i could for mum to make her last few months as pleasant as possible. I was at her house up to 15 hours a day 6-7 days a week. It was mentally draining and has had an impact on me.

I need to get my life together and get back into paid employment. I have a few ideas what i want to do but not sure as yet. I also need to lose about 2 stone and get fitter which i will.

Also like to thank @Bigg Bigg Blue. It's appreciated that you dropped what you were doing and met up for a few drinks Sunday evening,. Thanks mate. Whilst we were talking in the beer garden i noticed an attractive tall blonde lady glance over 3 or 4 times but i could see she and her friend were about to drink up and go.

I caught her eye and asked if she (they) had a good night. She said she had but was tired so going home. I asked if I could buy her and her friend a drink which she accepted. Bigg fella acted as my wing man talking to her friend whilst i chatted to blondie. Got her number and am planning on taking her on a date, which I'm looking forward to: )

No problem mate, anytime.

 

[BlueMoonRisin’]

So sorry to hear that mate, and just to say, there may be times in the future where you wonder whether that part may be just wishful thinking, but don’t believe it, I’d put good money on it that she actually did mate.

Sincere condolences.

Thanks, DH pal. Nice one.

I've spoken to several people recently who think that those dying wait for family members turn up before they die. My daughter said she's seen this happen a few times in her job as a nurse. I'm just so glad i was able to be there at the end.

 

[Thorin Oakenshield]

No, I know some great women. I know some great women who have the same feeling I expressed towards their exes, who also can understand the attitude of the type I mentioned, so you can shove that one.

I'm not on here asking advice about women and not following through, am I? We have our experiences and the things those lads are going through are familiar.

I haven't spoke about ALL fathers needing 50/ 50 access to their kids, but the ones that love their kids and struggling to cope.

Everything I've said is practical and honest. If you want them to go cap-in-hand and on their knees for their own kids, then say that.

As for my ex, for her to sleep with guys under her roof that my boys live at, 2 WEEKS after I left because she "has a live to live", shows you know fuck all about what you're talking about. Not even at their gaff or a hotel room and my boys had to see men they didn't know. So how about shut the fuck up and I have a right to be annoyed at that behaviour.

I pay £150 per month. But I have just dropped it to 130 due to fuel costs. I live about 20 minutes away and pick my daughter up and drop off every time due to my ex not being a driver. I have my daughter 1/2 of the week too. I buy her clothes and pay for everything when she is with me (which should be obvious, but some guys don't).

I know you have to accept it. But it doesn't make it easier mate. I would like to have her here with me weekdays so i can make sure she goes to school. I live accross from a school so i could make it work! Hell would freeze over before my ex would let it happen.

Fair play, very similar situation to mine. I pay 200 a month and pay buy her clothes, food etc when she is here. I know it isnt easy but as I said to @Bigga you have to accept it. Otherwise it just causes bitterness.

How is your romantic life may I ask? Have you been able to move on with someone else?

 

[Nethermoor]

Fair play, very similar situation to mine. I pay 200 a month and pay buy her clothes, food etc when she is here. I know it isnt easy but as I said to @Bigga you have to accept it. Otherwise it just causes bitterness.

How is your romantic life may I ask? Have you been able to move on with someone else?

Yes, mate. I'm married. But I'm in a situation where I did want kids but gradually this whole thing has worn me down to not wanting more. But my wife does, it's all she lives for. So we're in a bit of a limbo.

It's not the bitterness it's the going from seeing every day for hours to not. That's the hard bit for me

 

[Thorin Oakenshield]

Yes, mate. I'm married. But I'm in a situation where I did want kids but gradually this whole thing has worn me down to not wanting more. But my wife does, it's all she lives for. So we're in a bit of a limbo.

It's not the bitterness it's the going from seeing every day for hours to not. That's the hard bit for me

Yeah I get you. Sounds tough.

 

[manimanc]

Mum died peacefully at home yesterday afternoon. I had to nip to the chemist for morphine and when i got back my daughter said mum was dying. It was quite an emotional moment but as she drew her last breath i held her hand and told her i loved her. I think she held on for me

RIP mum x

Mate I'm so sorry for your loss. No words can take away your feelings right now but you know we're on here to listen and give strength.
She would have loved the fact you was there with her to the end.
Stay strong blue
X

 

[Bournemouth Blue]

Some joyriders drove into a field in Dorset at the weekend and killed and maimed several sheep. What is happening to people?

 

[BeerIsTheBest]

Most heartwarming and soul lifting thread I’ve seen in ages. My problems are trivial in comparison to lots of heroes on here but reading the posts has really lifted my spirits. Keep posting and supporting. No person is, or should be, an island!

 

[Bigga]

Fair play, very similar situation to mine. I pay 200 a month and pay buy her clothes, food etc when she is here. I know it isnt easy but as I said to @Bigga you have to accept it. Otherwise it just causes bitterness.

How is your romantic life may I ask? Have you been able to move on with someone else?

Yeah, I'm not sure you understood the crux of my post.

The ex, by herself, I could give two fucks about, it's the damage she does to my boys.

 

[DunfermlineBlue]

If you ever want to chat let me know. Exactly the same situation. No one realises how hard it is for fathers when they lose seeing their child every day.

Thanks mate! Appreciate it was a bit low yesterday but feeling a bit better today. Inbox is always open for you too if you ever want a chat!