Trigger
Well-Known Member
How do you women make 6lbs of fat attractive to men?
Stick a nipple on it ;)
Stick a nipple on it ;)
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Whats your best Joke!?!?
- Thread starter Lmg1002
- Start date
mcfcnorthstand
Well-Known Member
Man says to his wife: ‘Pack your bags, I’ve won the pools.’
She says: ‘What should I pack? Something light, something warm? Where are we going?’
He says: ‘We’re going nowhere. Just pack your bags and f*** off.’
She says: ‘What should I pack? Something light, something warm? Where are we going?’
He says: ‘We’re going nowhere. Just pack your bags and f*** off.’
BELLAMYS END
Well-Known Member
What do you call an abortion clinic in liverpool?
Crime stoppers.
Crime stoppers.
LCBblue
Well-Known Member
People are too soft nowadays, why just the other day I was telling a few scrawny, upset looking kids a few Yo' Mama jokes when all of a sudden I started getting called an insensitive, evil sod.
It will most definitely be the last time I visit an orphanage.
It will most definitely be the last time I visit an orphanage.
tueartsboots
Well-Known Member
A businessman was preparing to go on a long business trip, so he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her occupied. He went to a sex shop and explained his situation. The man there said, 'Well, I don't know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks, except... the Magic Penis!'
The husband said, 'The what'?
The man repeated, 'The Magic Penis,' and pulled out what seemed to be an ordinary dildo. The husband laughed, and said, 'It looks like a dildo!'
The man then pointed to the door and said, ' Magic Penis, door!'
The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started pounding way at the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly
with vibrations, so much so, that a crack began to form down the middle.
Then the man said, 'Magic Penis, return to box!' and the penis stopped and returned to the box.
The husband bought it and took it home to his wife.
After the husband had been gone a few days, the wife remembered the Magic Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said 'Magic Penis, my vagina.' The penis shot to her crotch. It was absolutely incredible. After three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck. Her husband had neglected to tell her how to turn it off so she put her clothes on, got in her car and started for the closest hospital.
On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A Police Officer saw this and immediately
pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.Gasping and twitching, the woman said, 'I haven't had anything to drink officer. You see, I've got this Magic Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me.'
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied, 'Yeah right... Magic Penis, my arse!'
The rest, as they say, is history...
The husband said, 'The what'?
The man repeated, 'The Magic Penis,' and pulled out what seemed to be an ordinary dildo. The husband laughed, and said, 'It looks like a dildo!'
The man then pointed to the door and said, ' Magic Penis, door!'
The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started pounding way at the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly
with vibrations, so much so, that a crack began to form down the middle.
Then the man said, 'Magic Penis, return to box!' and the penis stopped and returned to the box.
The husband bought it and took it home to his wife.
After the husband had been gone a few days, the wife remembered the Magic Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said 'Magic Penis, my vagina.' The penis shot to her crotch. It was absolutely incredible. After three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck. Her husband had neglected to tell her how to turn it off so she put her clothes on, got in her car and started for the closest hospital.
On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A Police Officer saw this and immediately
pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.Gasping and twitching, the woman said, 'I haven't had anything to drink officer. You see, I've got this Magic Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me.'
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied, 'Yeah right... Magic Penis, my arse!'
The rest, as they say, is history...
Joycee Banercheck
Well-Known Member
Now they're jokes.sweynforkbeard said:This gorgeous blonde walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre. So the barman gave her one.
A termite walks into a pub and asks, 'Is the bartender here?'
Chev Chelios
Well-Known Member
Whats the difference between a mosquito and a blond?
A mosquito will stop sucking when you slap it!
A mosquito will stop sucking when you slap it!
smudgedj
Well-Known Member
What's the difference between a fireman and a soldier?
You can't dip a fireman into your egg.
You can't dip a fireman into your egg.
JB THE ROOSTER
Well-Known Member
bluereddish said:A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off the at the next stop. When the bus starts on it's way the driver says to the hippie, 'I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you.'
The hippie says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery and prays to God. 'If you went dressed in a robe and glow in the dark paint mask she would think you are God and you could command her to have sex with you.'
The hippie decides this is a great idea, so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun to show up. Sure enough, at midnight the nun shows up and begins praying. The hippie jumped out from hiding and says, 'I AM GOD! I have heard your prayers and I will answer them, but first you must have sex with me.'
The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity because she is married to the church. The hippie agrees to this and has his way with the nun.
After the hippie finishes he stands up and rips off the mask and shouts, 'Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the hippie!!'
Then the nun jumps up and shouts, 'Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the bus driver!'
Im in absolute tears at that joke lol.
What part of Reddish you from/live mate???