Scottyboi
Well-Known Member
lmao reddish funny joke that.
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Whats your best Joke!?!?
- Thread starter Lmg1002
- Start date
Young woman goes out with her mates on Friday night, comes home with a new bracelet her husband asks her where she got it from and she tells him she won it in a raffle.Couple of weeks later she goes out again and comes home with a ring, tells her husband she won that in a raffle as well.Same thing happens a couple of weeks later, this time she comes home with a gold necklace.Next day she asks her husband to run her a bath, when she comes to get in there's only half an inch of water in it, she says why haven't you filled the bath he says because I didn't want you to get your raffle ticket wet.
Ricster
Well-Known Member
My pal got taken into a private hospital at the weekend for 2 amputation's.
It's cost him an arm and a leg.
It's cost him an arm and a leg.
-dabz-
Well-Known Member
Earlier on, some guy knocked my door with a beard.
We didn't hear him.
We didn't hear him.
skyblues4ever
Well-Known Member
mr t said:A woman was in a coma for several months. One day the nurses noticed a slight response whilst washing her fanny.That night during visiting hour they explained to her husband that a little oral sex might bring her round and left him to it.
When they returned a few minutes later the womans monitor had flat lined and she had no pulse or heartbeat.
"What happened?" cried the nurses. "I'm not sure - I think she choked" replied the husband.
hehe, here's my favourite:
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are running from the cops. They hide on a potato farm. They crawl into some potato bags inside a barn.
The first cop pokes the bag with the brunette in it. She says, "Meow." The cop confirms that it is just a cat.
The second cop pokes the bag with the redhead in it. She says, "Woof." The cop says that it is just a dog.
The third cop pokes the bag with the blonde in it.
She says in her sweetest voice, "Potatoes."
es1
Well-Known Member
BlueMooney said:Helium goes into a bar. The barman says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve noble gasses." Helium doesn't react.
i like this joke!
K.Reeves right foot
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 15 Jan 2009
- Messages
- 1,842
Here goes..[bored at work!]
Superman is in his flat one evening and decides he needs a good night out. Phones Spiderman,, "Hey Spiderman, it's Superman, fancy going to the pub?", "Can't mate, staying in to watch TV".
So, Superman tries again, this time calls Batman, "Hey Batman, fancy going out for a drink?"..."Sorry Superman, having an early night"..
Unperterbed, Superman decides to go out anyway, so, flies out of his bedroom window, as he's flying through the air to the pub he notices Superwoman's window open, she's lay on her bed, naked, with her legs open, moaning and groaning. Superman thinks, "I'll have a bit of that!", so flies in through her window, slides between her legs and does the wicked deed, then proceeds to fly back out of her window into the night.
Superwoman sits up and says "Fucking hell what was that all about?"
The Invisible man sits up and says.."Dunno but me arse is killing me!"
coat.....door....
Superman is in his flat one evening and decides he needs a good night out. Phones Spiderman,, "Hey Spiderman, it's Superman, fancy going to the pub?", "Can't mate, staying in to watch TV".
So, Superman tries again, this time calls Batman, "Hey Batman, fancy going out for a drink?"..."Sorry Superman, having an early night"..
Unperterbed, Superman decides to go out anyway, so, flies out of his bedroom window, as he's flying through the air to the pub he notices Superwoman's window open, she's lay on her bed, naked, with her legs open, moaning and groaning. Superman thinks, "I'll have a bit of that!", so flies in through her window, slides between her legs and does the wicked deed, then proceeds to fly back out of her window into the night.
Superwoman sits up and says "Fucking hell what was that all about?"
The Invisible man sits up and says.."Dunno but me arse is killing me!"
coat.....door....
Ricster
Well-Known Member
A guy walks into a bar and looking depressed the barman asks if everything is alright. The man tells the barman that his wife is having an affair with another man and wishes he had the guts to kill her for cheating.
The barman asks, are you being serious, cos if you are i know someone. See that man in the corner, his name is Arty and he's a hitman at a very affordable price. I suggest you go over and see him.
So the man heads over and introduces himself to Arty, he tells Arty all about how he has caught his wife shagging around and how its killed him inside. Arty turns to the man and says, tell you what, cos this woman has caused you so much heartache i'll bump her off for a pound. The man agrees with Arty and tells him more about his wife.
On Wednesday she always does the food shopping around 5 o'clock, she has bolnde hair, big breast's, and will be wearing tight jeans, a white top and a black jacket.
Wednesday comes and Arty is waiting patiently in his car for the man's wife, when all of a sudden he spots a female coming out of the exit to the supermarket. He runs over to her, grabs her from behind and starts to strangle her to death. Onlookers stand in shock and call the police. All of a sudden the woman's lifeless body slumps to the floor.
Arty makes his way back to his car and out of the corner of his eye he spots another woman matching exactly the same description. Not one to let his customers down, Arty runs over, grabs this woman from behind and starts to strangle her to death. All of a sudden the woman's lifeless body slumps to the floor.
Arty's need to kill both women see's him captured by the police and he is arrested and taken away, the next day the morning papers read;
ARTY CHOKES 2 FOR A POUND AT TESCO
The barman asks, are you being serious, cos if you are i know someone. See that man in the corner, his name is Arty and he's a hitman at a very affordable price. I suggest you go over and see him.
So the man heads over and introduces himself to Arty, he tells Arty all about how he has caught his wife shagging around and how its killed him inside. Arty turns to the man and says, tell you what, cos this woman has caused you so much heartache i'll bump her off for a pound. The man agrees with Arty and tells him more about his wife.
On Wednesday she always does the food shopping around 5 o'clock, she has bolnde hair, big breast's, and will be wearing tight jeans, a white top and a black jacket.
Wednesday comes and Arty is waiting patiently in his car for the man's wife, when all of a sudden he spots a female coming out of the exit to the supermarket. He runs over to her, grabs her from behind and starts to strangle her to death. Onlookers stand in shock and call the police. All of a sudden the woman's lifeless body slumps to the floor.
Arty makes his way back to his car and out of the corner of his eye he spots another woman matching exactly the same description. Not one to let his customers down, Arty runs over, grabs this woman from behind and starts to strangle her to death. All of a sudden the woman's lifeless body slumps to the floor.
Arty's need to kill both women see's him captured by the police and he is arrested and taken away, the next day the morning papers read;
ARTY CHOKES 2 FOR A POUND AT TESCO