Blue Streak
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 16 Jun 2008
- Messages
- 2,458
crizack said:
That's just wrong!
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When was the last time you soiled yourself?
- Thread starter bluemonday
- Start date
That's just wrong!
I was going up the Toll R.d. yesterday heading towards funnily enough 'BROWNHILLS', i had been wondering should i or shouldnt i all the way up from Southampton, i thought fuk it i'll call in at Keele services as i can hang on for a while longer. All of a sudden my brain told me that you must go now asap immediately, as is usually the case when theres no bog for a while,(little did i know that theres a services on the toll r.d. but i had to go, 'NOW'.) There was a steep banking with fairly high nettles all along but i thought fuk it, so grabs a handful of old paper towels and my bat to swipe down the nettles, so my hands are full as nearly were my kecks at this point, runs up the banking swiping away for a clear spot when my footing goes and BANG, down i go, didnt have time to mince any longer so chuckd me bat and squats in the nettles, hallefukinlulyah. Had a face full of stings and an arse to match, but what relief.
PS, this Scottish bloke comes to the bottom of the banking,he had some sort of disability as he was stuttering and indeed walking as if he himself had shit his pants,(not taking the piss BTW,this happened) shouting "hello there,ive ran out of petrol can you help us out at all"?
Unreal man.
PS, this Scottish bloke comes to the bottom of the banking,he had some sort of disability as he was stuttering and indeed walking as if he himself had shit his pants,(not taking the piss BTW,this happened) shouting "hello there,ive ran out of petrol can you help us out at all"?
Unreal man.
Newlunar
Well-Known Member
As my wife will know doubt testify there have been occasions too numerous to mention when she has found a little map of Africa in my smalls.
However, the occasion that springs to mind was when I was in the garage putting my old Lambretta together. There are certain things that seem to get things moving, like drinking tea in the morning, a natural laxative or browsing the tool section in B&Q or Wickes always leaves me touching cloth.
On this occasion I was rebuilding the frame of the aforementioned scooter when I had to bend down to fit the petrol tank. I knew I was already overbaking one and the squatting motion hoodwinked my spincter into pinching one out.
I gingerly ran into the house and up the stairs trying to contain any further mishaps.
As I reached the bathrrom I dropped my trollies only to find what can only described as a pooteeser bouncing around. The gusset of my stretched underpants made for a trampoline effect and as quick as a flash I tried to catch the little brown ball and direct into the bog.
I managed this after a couple of attempts as it bounced from one hand to another but eventually the little blighter went plink.
Moral of the story. Go for a shit.
However, the occasion that springs to mind was when I was in the garage putting my old Lambretta together. There are certain things that seem to get things moving, like drinking tea in the morning, a natural laxative or browsing the tool section in B&Q or Wickes always leaves me touching cloth.
On this occasion I was rebuilding the frame of the aforementioned scooter when I had to bend down to fit the petrol tank. I knew I was already overbaking one and the squatting motion hoodwinked my spincter into pinching one out.
I gingerly ran into the house and up the stairs trying to contain any further mishaps.
As I reached the bathrrom I dropped my trollies only to find what can only described as a pooteeser bouncing around. The gusset of my stretched underpants made for a trampoline effect and as quick as a flash I tried to catch the little brown ball and direct into the bog.
I managed this after a couple of attempts as it bounced from one hand to another but eventually the little blighter went plink.
Moral of the story. Go for a shit.
djelanomcfc
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 3 Jun 2009
- Messages
- 2,653
There are way too many people of this forum who seem to soil themselves an awful lot.
Llewellyn Dowd
Well-Known Member
Thank God!djelanomcfc said:There are way too many people of this forum who seem to soil themselves an awful lot.
burning blue soul
Well-Known Member
dont like reliving this, so am gonna make it short and sweet.
few years back
all day booze up
in chesterfield
sozzled by 8pm
walking along, desperatly need to shit
find a churchyard (not proud of that location)
struggle to the back wall
quickly drop trousers as 1st 2 inches are cold
thrutch a 5 pounder out of the tradesmans (whilst using words of encouragement to myself)
wipe with doc leaves and small rodents
stand up, look over wall and two women stood at bus stop not 3 feet from me
try and make pissed up small talk
run away
few years back
all day booze up
in chesterfield
sozzled by 8pm
walking along, desperatly need to shit
find a churchyard (not proud of that location)
struggle to the back wall
quickly drop trousers as 1st 2 inches are cold
thrutch a 5 pounder out of the tradesmans (whilst using words of encouragement to myself)
wipe with doc leaves and small rodents
stand up, look over wall and two women stood at bus stop not 3 feet from me
try and make pissed up small talk
run away
leiservampir
Well-Known Member
HAHAHAaphex said:i puked AND shit at the same time years ago. nothing. not even a blue peter badge.
droylsdenblue
Well-Known Member
Came back from Majorca with the shits a few years back,you know the script, sat watching telly, pain in gut, leg it upstairs the have a massive piss out of your arse.
Well I thought I was over it and went to Tesco in Droylsden. Half way round I get the grumble so say to missus " here hold this basket" and proceed to run full pelt to the loo.
Manage to get in there and lock the door BUT as i undo the top button I realise I cant stop it....as I get my jeans moving out it comes...as they reach my ankles there is liquid shite in my undies, in my jeans, all over the cistern, the toilet seat, the front of the bowl on my shoes and on the floor.....oh and ther was some actually in the loo!
tried to clean up the best I could and left....
Well I thought I was over it and went to Tesco in Droylsden. Half way round I get the grumble so say to missus " here hold this basket" and proceed to run full pelt to the loo.
Manage to get in there and lock the door BUT as i undo the top button I realise I cant stop it....as I get my jeans moving out it comes...as they reach my ankles there is liquid shite in my undies, in my jeans, all over the cistern, the toilet seat, the front of the bowl on my shoes and on the floor.....oh and ther was some actually in the loo!
tried to clean up the best I could and left....
now its funny this has come up because this happened the other week!
to much beer the night before and my insides were not to good the morning after, after already being once i went down had a coffee and had a bit of a coughing fit and whoops i leaked and had to leg it back upstairs!!!!!!!!!
to much beer the night before and my insides were not to good the morning after, after already being once i went down had a coffee and had a bit of a coughing fit and whoops i leaked and had to leg it back upstairs!!!!!!!!!
Swales lives
Well-Known Member
A few years back, around 20 of us went on a stag-doo, starting at an outdoor paintballing centre. We split into 2 teams City v Rags, this was an early Saturday morning jaunt before the serious drinking started. Now I like to start things a bit early and was already a bit pissed by 10.30am. So we divided the teams up and went into our hiding places. Surprise, surprise, what with the drink, the weed and the tension, my arse-alarm began to quiver. So I squatted where I'd hid and delivered a fairly squishy arse-yogurt. Cleaned myself up and moved on another 10 yards.
I lay low, pleased with my evacuation, then I was shot to bit by one of my rag-mates who had dived spectacularly into my previous hidey hole, before shooting me. He arose victoriously after he 'killed' me. Ultimate victory was mine as he'd landed in the shit-landmine I'd planted only 2 minutes earlier.
I lay low, pleased with my evacuation, then I was shot to bit by one of my rag-mates who had dived spectacularly into my previous hidey hole, before shooting me. He arose victoriously after he 'killed' me. Ultimate victory was mine as he'd landed in the shit-landmine I'd planted only 2 minutes earlier.