TheRemainsOfTheDave
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 16 Mar 2017
- Messages
- 6,491
Always has been. ;)
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Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
dickie davies
Well-Known Member
joke thread....
Yup. Only been posted at least three times previously
See that link at the top of this post
Sad news from the Nestlé factory today. A night shift worker was crushed beneath a case of chocolate that fell 20 feet off the storage racking. He called for help repeatedly but every time he shouted "The Milky Bars are on me" his colleagues just cheered.
Now that IS funny.
Always has been. ;)
Yup. Only been posted at least three times previously
See that link at the top of this post
goalmole
Well-Known Member
Some things you can never get enough of.joke thread....
Yup. Only been posted at least three times previously
See that link at the top of this post
Cellarite
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 12 Jan 2010
- Messages
- 25,221
- Team supported
- Manchester City
I reckon his post was funnier than yours.joke thread....
Yup. Only been posted at least three times previously
See that link at the top of this post
My best rugby moment:
The other day I was in an empty pub having a quiet beer by myself.
The door opened and in walked the most stunning woman I've ever laid eyes on. 5'11'' tall, stunning blue eyes, silky blonde hair, an hourglass figure.
Barely covered by a tiny mini skirt and a flimsy cotton top. I could see she was not wearing a bra and her incredibly firm breasts were on show.
After watching her walk in I turned back to my beer. No sooner had I taken a sip when I turn to see her pulling another bar stool up close to me and sat down. She said 'Hi', and I said 'Hi' in return. She asked how I was and took my hand and placed it on her perfect inner thigh, rubbing it up and down.
'So, does that make you feel good ?' she asked. ..
'I'll bet you feel good,' she continued. 'In fact, I'll bet you've never felt this good before.'
'Well, I have,' I corrected her. 'You see, when I was 17, I was picked to play for the school 1st. XV in the National School Finals in front of a crowd of about 3000 and I felt really good.'
I immediately felt a bit pathetic saying that and I thought she would get up and go. But she took my hand off her thigh and put it up the front of her top. Her nipple pushed into my palm as she massaged my hand into her pert, perfect breast.
'How do you feel now,' she purred.
'OK' I replied.
Again, she said, 'I'll bet you do. In fact, I'll bet you've never felt THIS good before!'
Unbelievably I heard myself saying 'Well, actually I have. In that game, we were down by six points with about 20 seconds left in the match.
The Opposition kicked the ball deep into our half of the field, where I caught it. I ran up field, side-stepping past the first few defenders, handed off a couple of would-be tacklers, burst through a few forwards, chipped over their fullback, regathered and scored a try right under the posts with about 2 or 3 seconds 'til full time. We were still behind by one point, but I had a simple kick at goal to win the match.”
"Ahhh...." she growled between clenched teeth, more than a bit miffed, pulled my hand from under her top and thrust it down the front of her skirt.
My fingers immediately met what felt like a wisp of soft cotton , and she was wet !
She whispered, 'Well tell me this, Mr. Rugby Man: Have you ever felt such a perfect c*nt?'
'I certainly have,' I answered,
'I missed the kick.'
The other day I was in an empty pub having a quiet beer by myself.
The door opened and in walked the most stunning woman I've ever laid eyes on. 5'11'' tall, stunning blue eyes, silky blonde hair, an hourglass figure.
Barely covered by a tiny mini skirt and a flimsy cotton top. I could see she was not wearing a bra and her incredibly firm breasts were on show.
After watching her walk in I turned back to my beer. No sooner had I taken a sip when I turn to see her pulling another bar stool up close to me and sat down. She said 'Hi', and I said 'Hi' in return. She asked how I was and took my hand and placed it on her perfect inner thigh, rubbing it up and down.
'So, does that make you feel good ?' she asked. ..
'I'll bet you feel good,' she continued. 'In fact, I'll bet you've never felt this good before.'
'Well, I have,' I corrected her. 'You see, when I was 17, I was picked to play for the school 1st. XV in the National School Finals in front of a crowd of about 3000 and I felt really good.'
I immediately felt a bit pathetic saying that and I thought she would get up and go. But she took my hand off her thigh and put it up the front of her top. Her nipple pushed into my palm as she massaged my hand into her pert, perfect breast.
'How do you feel now,' she purred.
'OK' I replied.
Again, she said, 'I'll bet you do. In fact, I'll bet you've never felt THIS good before!'
Unbelievably I heard myself saying 'Well, actually I have. In that game, we were down by six points with about 20 seconds left in the match.
The Opposition kicked the ball deep into our half of the field, where I caught it. I ran up field, side-stepping past the first few defenders, handed off a couple of would-be tacklers, burst through a few forwards, chipped over their fullback, regathered and scored a try right under the posts with about 2 or 3 seconds 'til full time. We were still behind by one point, but I had a simple kick at goal to win the match.”
"Ahhh...." she growled between clenched teeth, more than a bit miffed, pulled my hand from under her top and thrust it down the front of her skirt.
My fingers immediately met what felt like a wisp of soft cotton , and she was wet !
She whispered, 'Well tell me this, Mr. Rugby Man: Have you ever felt such a perfect c*nt?'
'I certainly have,' I answered,
'I missed the kick.'
city saint
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 17 Jan 2009
- Messages
- 6,130
I gave my missus a good rodgering with a huge cucumber last night.this morning I woke to hear her moaning in ectasy,whats up with you I asked she replied the cucumbers repeating on me
meltonblue
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 14 May 2013
- Messages
- 6,194
Eldest’s parents’ evening tonight, his drama teacher said they’ll be studying The Crucible after half term. I won’t forget the look she gave me when I asked if they’d be covering Cliff Thorburn’s televised 147...
jimharri
Moderator
Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn"t want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel, and Lulu was among them. The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes lined up along the driveway when suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by and saw her grandaughter. Grandma asked, "why are you standing in line here, dear?" Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told her grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some. "Why, that"s awfully nice of them. I think I"ll get some for myself," and she proceeded to the back of the line. A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, "wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?" "I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry..." The policeman fainted.
sir baconface
Well-Known Member
Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn"t want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel, and Lulu was among them. The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes lined up along the driveway when suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by and saw her grandaughter. Grandma asked, "why are you standing in line here, dear?" Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told her grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some. "Why, that"s awfully nice of them. I think I"ll get some for myself," and she proceeded to the back of the line. A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, "wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?" "I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry..." The policeman fainted.
Wazza likes this.
Indaparkside
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- Joined
- 28 Dec 2015
- Messages
- 14,533
I was brought up adopted by a man called Daz, so I grew up referring to him as my non biological father.
Daily mirror today
Daily mirror today