Joke thread

[Big Swifty]

This is very clever. Dionne Warwick + Bacharach & David was a fabulous combination. Some younger readers may not get it, though. Their loss.

 

[KS55]

This is very clever. Dionne Warwick + Bacharach & David was a fabulous combination. Some younger readers may not get it, though. Their loss.

It made me laugh. Fancy opening a chinese just to create this joke. Awesome.

 

[Blue_eyes]

A telephone operator for the emergency services answers a call and a distraught guy on the line says help me, we were out hunting and my mate has died and I dont know what to do, right says the operator,what happened. I dont know says the guy panicking he just collapsed,ok,can you feel his pulse.After a short silence the guy says no but I dont really know,please please help I dont know what to do!!!!!. Calm down says the operator I will help you through this,just do as I say, right says the guy.Good says the operator,now you need to make sure hes dead, right says the guy, then there is a gun shot, ok what next?????

 

[ColinBellsjockstrap]

My next door neighbour is Englebert Humperdinck mad. keeps playing his songs over and over again
Getting on mine an the neighbours nerves
Finally got an injunction for him to stop. Was ok for 24hrs then off he goes again

Got the law round and they carted him off

He was back home in under an hour, so i asked him what happened

'Police released me.. let me go' he replied

 

[ColinBellsjockstrap]

Did you hear about the Irish kidnapper?
He enclosed a stamped self-addressed envelope with the ransom note.

 

[chris63]

 

[dronefromsector7G]

I got mugged by six dwarves last night. Not happy.

 

[Bill Walker]

A guy see's a bunch of people running down the street, he asks one of them, "Why are you running ?" the guy says " A lion escaped from the zoo" the man says "which way did it go ?" The man says ' well, you dont think were fucking chasing it do you '

 

[Indaparkside]

A guy see's a bunch of people running down the street, he asks one of them, "Why are you running ?" the guy says " A lion escaped from the zoo" the man says "which way did it go ?" The man says ' well, you dont think were fucking chasing it do you '

Talk about scraping the barrel. I heard this for the 1irst time on the Des O’Connor show in the 80’s :)

 

[KS55]

Talk about scraping the barrel. I heard this for the 1irst time on the Des O’Connor show in the 80’s :)

Talk about scraping the barrel, what on earth were you doing watching the Des O'Connor show??!

 

[Indaparkside]

Talk about scraping the barrel, what on earth were you doing watching the Des O'Connor show??!

Only had 3 channels back then. Not like you spoilt fuckers today

 

[Plays By Sense Of Smell]

Two old men were sat on the seafront, contentedly enjoying the sun in their deckchairs.
“It’s nice out, isn’t it?”
“Yes, think I’ll take mine out too...”

 

[KS55]

Only had 3 channels back then. Not like you spoilt fuckers today

I remember when there was only one channel. We, however, did not have a TV, so I didn't know what I was missing. Turned out to be Muffin the Mule.

 

[Zubrman]

I remember when there was only one channel. We, however, did not have a TV, so I didn't know what I was missing. Turned out to be Muffin the Mule.

Barm the Mule

 

[r.soleofsalford]

Only had 3 channels back then. Not like you spoilt fuckers today

3 channels ? we only had number 2 and number 9

 

[blue b4 the moon]

3 channels ? we only had number 2 and number 9

Luxury we had a dial to turn.

 

[KS55]

Luxury we had a dial to turn.

Lucky bastard. We had to fiddle with the cat's whisker.

 

[RadcliffeRick]

We had a switch to change from 405 to 625 lines !!

 

[Tuearts right boot]

Luxury we had a dial to turn.

Rumbelows or Radio Rentals..??

 

[blue b4 the moon]

Rumbelows or Radio Rentals..??

Shit B/W portable in my bedroom with circular ariel played havoc with my 'young man' moments ;)