sir baconface
Well-Known Member
Fcukin poor advice if he was looking for a fumble or had the squits.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Fcukin poor advice if he was looking for a fumble or had the squits.
Heywood Jabloemee thinks this is an average joke at best, Pete Moss, Graham Kraquer, and loads more concur. ;)The man who developed hard boiled eggs wrapped in sausage meat has died
R.I.P Scott Chegg
aguero93:20
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 21 Oct 2013
- Messages
- 90,262
- Location
- Hunting Cats.
- Team supported
- Some gobshites in day-glo green and black.
He was probably hoping for a bum and a reach around you callous ****.I saw Phillip Schofield in a multi storey and he asked me where the nearest toilets were. I just told him “wee by any car”
manclad
Well-Known Member
That would be a prime joke in a 1970s Carry On film. Very good all the same.I spotted a double entendre competition online, so I entered my girlfriend.
ray21
Well-Known Member
I wouldn’t say it was even average to be honest.Heywood Jabloemee thinks this is an average joke at best, Pete Moss, Graham Kraquer, and loads more concur. ;)
A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal. Before the final match, the Irish wrestler's trainer came to him and said 'Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. It ties you up in knots. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished.'
The Irishman nodded in acknowledgment. As the match started, the Irishman and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward,grabbing the Irishman and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.
Suddenly, there was a long, high pitched scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the Irishman collapsed on top of him, making the pin and winning the match.
The trainer was astounded.When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked 'How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!'
The wrestler answered 'Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength, I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.'
The trainer exclaimed 'Oh, so that's what finished him off?!!'
'Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls'
The Irishman nodded in acknowledgment. As the match started, the Irishman and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward,grabbing the Irishman and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.
Suddenly, there was a long, high pitched scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the Irishman collapsed on top of him, making the pin and winning the match.
The trainer was astounded.When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked 'How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!'
The wrestler answered 'Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength, I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.'
The trainer exclaimed 'Oh, so that's what finished him off?!!'
'Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls'
Two Aussie blokes were out shooting in the outback and came upon a huge hole in the ground. They approached it and were amazed at its size. The first said, "Wow, that's some hole. I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is." The second said, "There's an old gearbox over there. Let's throw it in and see how long it takes to hit bottom." So, they picked up the gearbox, carried it over to the hole, counted one-two-three, and heaved it in.
As they were standing there looking over the edge of the hole, a goat came crashing through the brush, ran up to the hole and without hesitation, jumped in head first.
While they were standing there staring at each other in amazement, they peered into the hole, trying to figure out what that was all about. Just then an old farmer sauntered up. "Say, you blokes didn't happen to see my goat?"
The first bloke said, "Funny you should ask. We were just standing here a minute ago, and a goat came running out of the bushes doing about a hundred miles an hour and jumped head first into this here hole!"
The old farmer said, "Nah mate, that's impossible! I had him chained to a gear box."
As they were standing there looking over the edge of the hole, a goat came crashing through the brush, ran up to the hole and without hesitation, jumped in head first.
While they were standing there staring at each other in amazement, they peered into the hole, trying to figure out what that was all about. Just then an old farmer sauntered up. "Say, you blokes didn't happen to see my goat?"
The first bloke said, "Funny you should ask. We were just standing here a minute ago, and a goat came running out of the bushes doing about a hundred miles an hour and jumped head first into this here hole!"
The old farmer said, "Nah mate, that's impossible! I had him chained to a gear box."
Fred_Quimby
Well-Known Member
Courtesy of Private Eye
“Children are the future of tomorrow”
KONNIE HUQ
Radio 5 Live
“It’s a great boost for the Premiership to recruit players of his elk”
TREVOR SINCLAIR
TalkSport
“If this [HS2] becomes like a huge great white elephant, this will be an albatross round his neck”
AYESHA HAZARIKA
Sky News
“If they lose this now, it’ll almost feel like a defeat”
ROB PHILLIPS
BBC Radio Wales
“The Leicester ship has got the wind in its sails and is steaming towards Chelsea”
TalkSport commentator
“Children are the future of tomorrow”
KONNIE HUQ
Radio 5 Live
“It’s a great boost for the Premiership to recruit players of his elk”
TREVOR SINCLAIR
TalkSport
“If this [HS2] becomes like a huge great white elephant, this will be an albatross round his neck”
AYESHA HAZARIKA
Sky News
“If they lose this now, it’ll almost feel like a defeat”
ROB PHILLIPS
BBC Radio Wales
“The Leicester ship has got the wind in its sails and is steaming towards Chelsea”
TalkSport commentator
JRockBlues
Well-Known Member
Did you hear about the guy with coronavirus who walked into a bar?
He was looking for a girl with lyme disease.
He was looking for a girl with lyme disease.