Joke thread

[Tuearts right boot]

Is it alright if I get offended for you on the off chance you're not offended enough.

 

[lefty goldblatt]

 

[mrcunny]

No need to mention his shadow mate. I suspect it’s a very large one.

 

[Blue Mist]

Im sure i didnt use a name or point my finger in your direction.One feels you might be offended of your own shadow given the chance...

Have you seen my shadow? It looks nothing like me, deliberately distorting the truth to make me look bad. I am young slim and full of life, why my shadow tries to make out I am the opposite I don't know.

Ps. You do know I was messing around with my op to you don't you.

 

[knuckles]

 

[mrcunny]

Have you seen my shadow? It looks nothing like me, deliberately distorting the truth to make me look bad. I am young slim and full of life, why my shadow tries to make out I am the opposite I don't know.

Ps. You do know I was messing around with my op to you don't you.

Im on a horse my friend at least let me ride it to completion..No worries..

 

[knuckles]

 

[Bill Walker]

The wife just opened a Xmas card and rice fell all over the floor, whose that off I asked ?
Uncle Ben she replied

 

[ChicagoBlue]

The wife just opened a Xmas card and rice fell all over the floor, whose that off I asked ?
Uncle Ben she replied

I know it’s page 1015, but fuck me, that’s shit!

That’s even worse than….

Why is Santa afraid of getting stuck in the chimney?

He has Claus-trophobia!

 

[Bill Walker]

I know it’s page 1015, but fuck me, that’s shit!

Haha!

Hahaha

 

[Sid C]

Talking of Christmas presents.
I gave my mate an Elephant for his room.
He said, “Thanks”
I said, “Don’t mention it.”

 

[Sheriff Fatman]

I love this time of year.

You can slam your laptop shut when your missus walks into the room and you don't get any disgusted looks.

 

[knuckles]

Just in case we have any snowflakes on the forum!

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

I know it’s page 1015, but fuck me, that’s shit!

That’s even worse than….

Why is Santa afraid of getting stuck in the chimney?

He has Claus-trophobia!

Right, I’m going to try and beat that.

200 minutes free talktime and 500 free texts a month I get.

A contract with Yodafone I have.

 

[ChicagoBlue]

Right, I’m going to try and beat that.

200 minutes free talktime and 500 free texts a month I get.

A contract with Yodafone I have.

Definitely in the running! ;-)
Parochial appeal and understanding harms the joke for the international audience.

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

Definitely in the running! ;-)
Parochial appeal and understanding harms the joke for the international audience.

What’s Whitney Houston’s favourite type of coordination?

Haaaaaaand Eyeeeeeeee

 

[ChicagoBlue]

Right, I’m going to try and beat that.

200 minutes free talktime and 500 free texts a month I get.

A contract with Yodafone I have.

If we are doing kids jokes, I’ll try to keep it topical…

A gingerbread man went to the doctor’s office.
“Doc, my knee is killing me!”

The doctor has a quick look and asks him,
“Have you tried icing it?”

 

[ChicagoBlue]

What’s Whitney Houston’s favourite type of coordination?

Haaaaaaand Eyeeeeeeee

Where would you find an Irish Christmas tree?

Between a Christmas two and a Christmas four.

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

Where would you find an Irish Christmas tree?

Between a Christmas two and a Christmas four.

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.

That’s just how I roll.

 

[ChicagoBlue]

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.

That’s just how I roll.

A Yank joke for ya…

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?

Pilgrims.