So her lunatic theory is that Pep and all City's financial and legal team would spend days preparing a totally false bid for Rice to try and help their main title rivals buy an excellent player. Pep would do this as a personal favour to Arteta to help him undermine his own boss and his own club's owners. Yeh that sounds very true.
"Hey Pep. It's Mik."
" Hi Mik. What can I do for you?"
"Well I want Rice but my DOF won't budge, so I'd like you to make a bid, say £80m plus £10m in add-ons, and let the media know. That way, Edu might get his arse in gear and make a realistic offer."
"Sure thing matey. I'll just put you on hold while I give Moyesey a tinkle. I'll put him on speaker".
"Hey Davey. Great win in the Europa League. Congratulations. Listen, how about Declan Rice? We'll give you £80m plus around £10m in add-ons. How does that sound?"
"Nice try but no banana Pep old mate. We want £100m straight. No add-ons."
"OK. Let me put you on hold for a minute."
"Did you get that Mikky?"
"Got it recorded thanks."
"Great Mik. Back on hold for a moment."
"Hey Mik. Sorry - Davey. No deal I'm afraid but you might be hearing from Arteta shortly, once we've finished our chinwag anyway. Speak soon."
"Hi Mik. Now, where were we....?"