General / Mental Health Support Thread

PinkFinal said:
I went to the walk in centre last night
I've told them that I've told my brother that "I need to delete myself" and that I'm watching noose tyeing tutorials on YouTube
Today I've purchased rope off eBay.
Just as back up really , having it as "comfort" knowing it's there.

The walk in centre liases with the NHS and I think the people I spoke to last night mentioned that electro convulsive therapy is being considered as my depression is now classed as untreatable as far as medication goes, as I've tried everything available.
But it's just not moving fast enough. It never ever is. I guess I could go to A&E tonight but would it make any difference at all ? Their job is to calm you down and send you home, it seems to me.

I'm not sure I should be sharing all this on here and perhaps it's even against the rules but obviously I'm in a very bad state.

I can't really talk to people I know in real life about it to this extent cos it'll scare them and some of them are dealing with their own burdens
Click to expand...
Mate, I know a little about depression as my wife suffers from severe depression although it has been controlled by medication to some degree.
It’s a terrible debilitating disease and I hope you can get the help you need.
I’ve mentioned you to my Mrs and she’s more than happy to talk to you and possibly help you.
PM me if you want to.
 
Got a call yesterday from the CBT team with an online appt for monday. I referred myself in march so the wait has been long. I don't think they can help much now as the PTSD is much easier and i have been taught by the psychologist how to cope on the bad days/nites. I was at the dentist twice this week as i have a dry socket after a tooth out last week, he had to dig out some food and make it bleed to start the healing off again, without numbing it, fucking hell that is agony! I have flashbacks and nightmares about the airway and mask i had as i stopped breathing as well as the cardiac arrest and i had to let the dentist take the tooth out and the digging as it had to be done, i was in terror again but it had to be done, i had a terrible nightmare last nite with loads of sweating like i was doing all last year so i am extremely triggered at the moment, he wants to take another one out next week but i don't think i can, this one has taken three courses of antibiotics since before it came out and again now, my immune system is still not doing the best job

And breathe lol
 
kaz7 said:
Got a call yesterday from the CBT team with an online appt for monday. I referred myself in march so the wait has been long. I don't think they can help much now as the PTSD is much easier and i have been taught by the psychologist how to cope on the bad days/nites. I was at the dentist twice this week as i have a dry socket after a tooth out last week, he had to dig out some food and make it bleed to start the healing off again, without numbing it, fucking hell that is agony! I have flashbacks and nightmares about the airway and mask i had as i stopped breathing as well as the cardiac arrest and i had to let the dentist take the tooth out and the digging as it had to be done, i was in terror again but it had to be done, i had a terrible nightmare last nite with loads of sweating like i was doing all last year so i am extremely triggered at the moment, he wants to take another one out next week but i don't think i can, this one has taken three courses of antibiotics since before it came out and again now, my immune system is still not doing the best job

And breathe lol
Click to expand...
Take care Kaz, do what you need to do for you x
 
mancityvstoke said:
Hope you're a bit better now boss..........fuck suicide off mate.....too much to keep going for.
Click to expand...
I certainly would rather not die
It's just that my depression has become so agonisingly painful and death is the only escape
Because the NHS certainly isn't helping me
They're waiting for me to crack up before they help me is what it looks like to me

Im gonna go to the walk in centre again tonight
I'm certainly not topping myself before a derby
;-)
 
PinkFinal said:
I certainly would rather not die
It's just that my depression has become so agonisingly painful and death is the only escape
Because the NHS certainly isn't helping me
They're waiting for me to crack up before they help me is what it looks like to me

Im gonna go to the walk in centre again tonight
I'm certainly not topping myself before a derby
;-)
Click to expand...
NHS is donald ducked ...loads of people being abandoned with serious medical and mental health issues. I'm so sorry mate.

It's a fucking shit show. Find some inner strength and fuck them negative vibes off and be happy .

I know ......easy for me to say. You have a lot of love on here from what I see and plenty genuinely care about you. Too many blues have gone......Think of all the new City trophies. The new stand......old cunts like me kicking the bucket so you can have a laugh and a beer about how good bluemoon is since he fucked off to the kippax in the sky.


Yeah I'm shit at this stuff. Chin up lad.
 
PinkFinal said:
I certainly would rather not die
It's just that my depression has become so agonisingly painful and death is the only escape
Because the NHS certainly isn't helping me
They're waiting for me to crack up before they help me is what it looks like to me

Im gonna go to the walk in centre again tonight
I'm certainly not topping myself before a derby
;-)
Click to expand...
Makes me so angry you desperately need help mental health services are not fit for purpose. Hope you get the help you need sooner rather than later .
 
Last 6 weeks = father in law moved into care home (same one his wife was in) for respite. Decided he needed to stay there. In middle of sorting that and clearing flat to sell his wife passed away. Dealing with 2 of the most stressful things life can throw at you inside few months. Never ending this but we keep going as we don't know any other way. Funeral arrangements made he's moaning we gave away a lamp from his and might have got £6 for it (cost £12 years ago). Then he asked did I remove light bulbs. We keep going and going and going as nothing else for it
 
ob said:
Last 6 weeks = father in law moved into care home (same one his wife was in) for respite. Decided he needed to stay there. In middle of sorting that and clearing flat to sell his wife passed away. Dealing with 2 of the most stressful things life can throw at you inside few months. Never ending this but we keep going as we don't know any other way. Funeral arrangements made he's moaning we gave away a lamp from his and might have got £6 for it (cost £12 years ago). Then he asked did I remove light bulbs. We keep going and going and going as nothing else for it
Click to expand...
When my old fella moved from London back up here I launched two minging old chairs he had.....he went ballistic...said they only needed refurbing. Like I was arsed about two old chairs with the rest of the shit I was dealing with.

Then when he died I felt guilty ffs ...can't win ha
 
PinkFinal said:
Just seen GP
Told me I've tried all the medication so they suspect there's an underlying other issue like Autism
Which I've been waiting for a test for since 2017
So it's dragging on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on

And 'we can't recommend electro convulsive therapy if it's autism'

So I suppose I'll have to go private (several grand) and get the test ASAP.

I'm pretty terrified to be honest
The thought of living with depression this severe
I just do not know what I should do
I've again told my brother today that I feel I'd be better off killing myself. I feel I have an existence that's not worth living on any level. It feels like I got handed this life and I'm being forced to participate even though its utter hell. As if it's a fate worse than death. Which it certainly feels that it is.

On top of this I feel the world is becoming an utter hellscape and that we're going to end up with fascism.

The only way I feel I can handle this severe depression is by joining a 24 hour gym and going there late at night every night and working out for several hours
But what the hell for ??

I envy the dead I really do
Click to expand...
Hey mate I just read this, really sorry to hear it. I'm not going to give you some textbook spiel about 'positive thinking' or similar bollocks as I know first hand what depression and anxiety is like from personal experience, and also what my wife is currently going through.

But let me share with you what worked for me. It may or may not help you but I wanted to share in case it provides some ideas.

Your life isn't bad, and it isn't good, it's just that how you think about things creates that reality. And when you feel depressed you are conditioned to think you will always feel depressed, and then anxiety kicks in when your brain asks itself the question 'what if I always feel this way, wow that would be terrible'.

So creating an anchor point is important. What I did was recondition my brain. I'd do something fun like watch a movie or watch my team Arsenal (no sniggering in the back please). That would provide some respite. I'd write down in a book that I got 2 hours of forgetting about depression and being able to do something enjoyable.

Then when the depressed thoughts came back and the 'what if you always feel this way' questions from your brain, I'd be able to look at the book and see that I had 2 hours or whatever it was of feeling ok that day, which over time told my brain that I was capable of not feeling depressed at moments, and that killed off the anxious thoughts of this state of mind lasting 'forever' as I now had some control over it - I could do things that would give me respite, even if just for a moment.

Then day by day I'd add other things in that would take my attention more, and over time the physical sensations of depression and anxiety (tight chest, headaches, cold dread feeling when you are in your room etc) would lessen and there then became days when I forgot about it. It actually ends up getting replaced by other shit to worry about (lol) but the point is there wasn't a 'cure' for it in my case, I just learned how to get my brain under control and 'argue' with the thoughts my brain was sending which were the triggers for these feelings. Once my brain learned that its thoughts were basically bollocks the the fear of them and the depression just got less and less.

BTW I am on the ASD spectrum (high functioning autistic) and I'm my case a fertile imagination, anxiety and depression are risks. I also know that brain chemistry, hormonal changes and inflammation can also cause depression so get the fuckers to check you out.

It's absolutely not worth ending your life over this, just try to understand that there is always hope and you won't feel this way forever as you'll get on top of it. Also understand that people who haven't had depression won't understand it and try and give you a logical answer to it which is well intentioned but depression itself is an illogical illness that (in my case) learning to control thought triggers (and more like how I respond to them) gave me great results.

And honestly mate in my case I'm glad I had depression and anxiety in a way as it made me super resilient to what life has since chucked at me. It might seem ridiculous now but when you get over this it could well become your superpower.

You got this, but it takes a village so get yourself checked, access as much information as possible from people who got through it, realise it's small steps and small wins to get across the line over time and you won't 'cure' it, you'll instead learn to live with it and understand what causes you to feel that way and how to control it.

You can do it mate.
 
PinkFinal said:
I certainly would rather not die
It's just that my depression has become so agonisingly painful and death is the only escape
Because the NHS certainly isn't helping me
They're waiting for me to crack up before they help me is what it looks like to me

Im gonna go to the walk in centre again tonight
I'm certainly not topping myself before a derby
;-)
Click to expand...
And all of us would rather not that you left us,that is from the heart mate.
Iv been through all you are going through now,and I'm reluctant to give advice or tell you.to.do.this or that,I know I rejected and sneared at all of that when i was going through it.

But I will tell you something, you are still trying and
I realise this by your efforts to go out walking and excersising in the gymn, and also to go to.gigs,you're still motivating yourself to do these things,all i could do was get drunk.
So.thats one positive you should be proud of ,you can build on that,I wish you well .
 
Last edited:
Been a brutal day.
After the match had ended I had a nap and woke up feeling absolutely terrible.
I then went to a gig in Stockport and it was so odd being surrounded by people chatting and enjoying themselves when I'm stood there with this immense, immense fucking agony , fear and darkness in my head.
I think I'll go to A&E on Sunday night or alternatively to my GP on Monday morning because it feels like a tipping point is coming.
I've said this for months of course.
I've not been to the gym since Thursday which can't have helped.
On Friday I had a very good hour-long chat at the walk in centre and felt much better afterwards, last night and this morning , and was getting my hopes up that I'd turned a corner but alas , no.

Please god just let me cry I'd feel much better afterwards.
Can't even do that.

I rang NHS 111 and someone is coming to collect the rope

They also mentioned this as alternative to ECT

Transcranial magnetic stimulation - Mayo Clinic

www.mayoclinic.org www.mayoclinic.org
 
Last edited:
PinkFinal said:
Been a brutal day.
After the match had ended I had a nap and woke up feeling absolutely terrible.
I then went to a gig in Stockport and it was so odd being surrounded by people chatting and enjoying themselves when I'm stood there with this immense, immense fucking agony , fear and darkness in my head.
I think I'll go to A&E on Sunday night or alternatively to my GP on Monday morning because it feels like a tipping point is coming.
I've said this for months of course.
I've not been to the gym since Thursday which can't have helped.
On Friday I had a very good hour-long chat at the walk in centre and felt much better afterwards, last night and this morning , and was getting my hopes up that I'd turned a corner but alas , no.

Please god just let me cry I'd feel much better afterwards.
Can't even do that.

I rang NHS 111 and someone is coming to collect the rope

They also mentioned this as alternative to ECT

Transcranial magnetic stimulation - Mayo Clinic

www.mayoclinic.org www.mayoclinic.org
Click to expand...
Glad the rope is gone. Hope it goes to do a better job than it might have done. Look after yourself.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Unread Posts

Don't have an account? Register now and see fewer ads!

SIGN UP
Back
Top