Joke thread

A kid goes into the local shop to buy some "Rising Sun" tobacco. The shop assistant is a gorgeous young lady wearing a really short skirt and stockings etc. She looks in the normal places but can't find any tobacco called "Rising Sun"
"Dad tells me that it's normally kept on the top shelf" says the lad, helpfully.
The girl gets a step ladder and climbs to the top - she still has to stretch to look at the top shelf. The boy is standing directly underneath her, looking up.
After a bit of looking the girl still can't find any:
"Are you sure it's "Rising Sun"?" asks the girl.
"Rising? It's almost breaking my zip!!" replied the lad
 
Paddy gets pulled over by the police, driving home from the pub. "Hecscuce me sir have you been drinking." Paddy replies, " yes I've had 9 pints of Guinness and 6 double Jamesons" Copper says" under section 63 of the road traffic act I need you to to provide a breath sample" Paddy replies" Why don't ya fecking believe me"
 
Johnny comes home from school,
Dad: why so glum Johnny?
Johnny: Teacher gave me detention.
Dad: why ?
Johnny: in maths , the teacher asked what's 2x3 and I said 6. He then asked what's 3x2 ...
Dad: what's the fucking difference?
Johnny: that's exactly what I said !!!
 
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