Joke thread

[J.G.Blue.]

Throw.

Up?

 

[i kne albert davy]

Brilliant, if you dont mind I am going to use that :-)

Why not radio 2 used it this morning so definitely in the public domain :-)

 

[BackofJeanette]

 

[BackofJeanette]

At the Iniskillin Winery warehouse the regular taster died, and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A homeless street person, drunk and with a ragged, dirty look, came to apply for the position.

The director wondered how to send him away. They gave him a glass to drink.

The old ‘troller tried it and said, “It's a Muscat three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low gradeacceptable.”

“That's correct,” said the boss amazed at the skill.“Another glass, please.”

“It's a cabernet, eight years old, south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at eight degrees. Requires three more years for finest results.”

“Absolutely correct. A third glass.”

He calmly said, “It's a pinot blanc champagne, high grade and exclusive.”

The director was astonished and winked at his secretary to suggest something. She left the room and came back in with a glass of urine.

The troller tried it. “It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get the job, I'll name the father.”

 

[BELLENDER]

 

[The Earl of Abington]

View attachment 36816

Neighbour's (or even neighbours') but not neighbours.

 

[Beswick Prize Bands Big Drum]

There was on the right hand side.

Good point.

 

[Keep the Faith]

Any Takers ?

 

[balotellishaircut]

A beautiful young woman is standing at the edge of a cliff preparing to jump off. A homeless drunk stops by and mumbles to her “if your about to kill yourself how about a quick shag before you go “

The woman screams “ No fuck off you filthy old bastard “

The tramp turns to leave and says “ No worries, I’ll just go and wait at the bottom then “

 

[Well Wisher]

A beautiful young woman is standing at the edge of a cliff preparing to jump off. A homeless drunk stops by and mumbles to her “if your about to kill yourself how about a quick shag before you go “

The woman screams “ No fuck off you filthy old bastard “

The tramp turns to leave and says “ No worries, I’ll just go and wait at the bottom then “

...so did he save her life? I haven't seen anything in the news.

 

[nw42]

 

[oakiecokie]

...so did he save her life? I haven't seen anything in the news.

No, but some fuckers once hung a monkey.

 

[manclad]

Just enjoy your self

"It's later than you think"!!

 

[crazyg]

No, but some fuckers once hung a monkey.

Jeff Stelling likes this comment.

 

[Uwe Already]

No, but some fuckers once hung a monkey.

It was spying for the French tho, so fair do’s

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Well Wisher]

It was spying for the French tho, so fair do’s

We did it. People can thank us or not. We're too cool to demand recognition for it...

 

[Indaparkside]

Fantastic joke - keep em coming

Only I told it on here months ago

 

[hammocity]

Although not unattractive, I would stop short of calling her beautiful.
About 4 pints of Holts's could make her desirable I reckon.

God invented beer so ugly women could get shagged.