Joke thread

[mrcunny]

Nike have started making trainers for lesbians called "Nikes4dykes" they have 50% more tongue and you can get them off with one finger.

-- Thu Nov 10, 2011 8:06 pm --

What have Gaddafi and Man United got in common? Both were murdered by the locals!<br /><br />-- Thu Nov 10, 2011 8:07 pm --<br /><br />What's black and got two broken arms?

Colonel Gadaffi's sunglasses!

 

[i kne albert davy]

My girlfriend thinks that i'm a stalker.Well she's not exactly my girlfriend,yet.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs a'int happy.
I called 999 the other day because i thought the wife had died, the operator said how do you know? i said well the sex is the same but you should see the size of the ironing pile.

 

[gaudinho's stolen car]

Police are treating Joe Frazier's death as suspicious. They are grilling George Foreman.

 

[mrcunny]

Police pulled over a black driver and were amazed to find he had tax & insurance, the car hadn't been stolen and he hadn't been drinking. So they gave him a £60 fine for wasting police time.

 

[hartsgloves]

It's one of the 'Your Mum' jokes;

Your mama's so thick that she climbed over a glass wall just to see what was on the other side

-- Thu Oct 20, 2011 5:03 pm --

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

It's one of the 'Your Mum' jokes;

Your mama's so thick that she climbed over a glass wall just to see what was on the other side

Or, your mum is so fat, every time she turns around it's her birthday lol

Your mum is so fat her blood type is Ragu.

 

[unsworthblue]

the Mrs asked me if i could get our ginger haired son ready for his 1st day at school so i punched him in the face and stole his dinner money

 

[pudge]

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile?














Get in the Batmobile, Robin.

 

[BackofJeanette]

My son walked in today with his new girlfriend.

"This is Sarah," he burst out.

"I've heard a lot about you," I smiled.

"Really? All good I hope," she smirked.

"Oh yes, he's a lucky boy," I replied. "It was a year before his mother let me do her up the arse."

 

[Ancient Citizen]

Good one.

 

[charliebigspuds]

statistically one in twenty people live next door to a paedophile. Not me, I live next door to a gorgeous 14 year old blond bird with big tits!