Bluesince1979
Well-Known Member
I got the mrs a pug dog as a present the other day, despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes, rolls of fat and being ugly as fuck............ The dog seems to like her..
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Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Tuearts right boot
Well-Known Member
foetus said:I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his bus.
Slight edit
themadinventor said:jimbopm said:Was at the garden centre the other day and thought I spotted Michael J Fox.
Couldn't be totally sure it was him though, he had his back to the Fuschias.
-- Thu Oct 10, 2013 11:51 am --
Why has Captain Kirk's wife got a turd on her head?
Because William Shatner.
Must be the captains log .....
Arf!!
jimharri
Moderator
Two prisoners waiting to be executed. They're asked by the chief warden if they have any last requests. Prisoner number 1 says; ''I want Glory Glory M** U** played over the PA system during my execution''. To which the warden replies, ''I shall do that''. He then turns to prisoner number two; ''And what about you? Do you have any last request?'' To which the second prisoner replies; ''Can I be executed before him?''
jimharri
Moderator
The only way for the Andersons to pull off a Sunday afternoon 'quickie' with their 8-year old son in the flat was to send him out on the balcony with an Ice Lolly and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
- 'There's a car being towed from the Car park ,' he shouted.
- 'An ambulance just drove by!'
- 'Looks like the Turners have company,' he called out.
- 'Matt's riding a new bike!'
- 'Looks like the Sanders are moving!'
- 'Jason is on his skate board!'
- After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are having sex!!'
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously called out, 'How do you know they're having sex?'
'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with an Ice Lolly.'
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
- 'There's a car being towed from the Car park ,' he shouted.
- 'An ambulance just drove by!'
- 'Looks like the Turners have company,' he called out.
- 'Matt's riding a new bike!'
- 'Looks like the Sanders are moving!'
- 'Jason is on his skate board!'
- After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are having sex!!'
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously called out, 'How do you know they're having sex?'
'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with an Ice Lolly.'
BELLENDER said:Fell asleep in the chair and woke up to find some bastard had put a teabag in my mouth!
I'M NOT HAPPY.
Fuckin' hate being treated like a Mug.
Hahahahaha love it!
blue12
Well-Known Member
Just put sir alex ferguson way into my sat nav and for some reason its added 7 mins to the journey time
bazbarrybazzer
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 22 Oct 2007
- Messages
- 2,461
marcus said:I got the mrs a pug dog as a present the other day, despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes, rolls of fat and being ugly as fuck............ The dog seems to like her..
This made me chuckle :)