blue44
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- Joined
- 20 Jun 2009
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- 9,026
- Location
- Ashton-u-lyne,Manchester.
- Team supported
- St Marks West Gorton
Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
A man is working at a dildo store when a brunette walks in.
She asks him how much for the black dildo?
He replies $50 for the black one, and $50 for the white one.
She leaves without purchasing anything.
A redhead walks in and asks him how much for the white dildo.
He replies $50 for the white one, and $50 for the black one.
she doesn't buy anything.
A blonde enters the store and asks him how much for a dildo.
He answers $50 for a black one, and $50 for a white one.
She asks how much for the plaid one on the shelf behind him.
He says oh that's a very special one, that's $250.
She buys it.
At closing, the manager walks in and asks the man how much he sold.
The man said I've not sold any dildos but I got $250 for your thermos.
She asks him how much for the black dildo?
He replies $50 for the black one, and $50 for the white one.
She leaves without purchasing anything.
A redhead walks in and asks him how much for the white dildo.
He replies $50 for the white one, and $50 for the black one.
she doesn't buy anything.
A blonde enters the store and asks him how much for a dildo.
He answers $50 for a black one, and $50 for a white one.
She asks how much for the plaid one on the shelf behind him.
He says oh that's a very special one, that's $250.
She buys it.
At closing, the manager walks in and asks the man how much he sold.
The man said I've not sold any dildos but I got $250 for your thermos.
bladdered
Well-Known Member
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
My mate decided to go to a fancy dress party as Adam, so ordered a fig leaf from an agency. When it arrived, it wasn’t suitable, so he sent it back with a covering letter:
Dear Sirs,
The enclosed doesn’t cover my requirements. Please send a larger model.
By return post, he received a larger fig leaf. This also wasn’t suitable, so he sent it back with a covering letter as before.
This happened several times until he received their XXXXXXL model. Sadly he had to return it with the same covering letter.
Dear Sirs,
The enclosed doesn’t cover my requirements. Please send a larger model.
By return of post he didn’t receive a fig leaf. Instead, he got this letter:
Dear Customer,
I’m very sorry to tell you that you have had the largest model possible; we even had to have it specially made. We have no more material left.
May we suggest you stick your requirements in your ear and go as a petrol pump?
Dear Sirs,
The enclosed doesn’t cover my requirements. Please send a larger model.
By return post, he received a larger fig leaf. This also wasn’t suitable, so he sent it back with a covering letter as before.
This happened several times until he received their XXXXXXL model. Sadly he had to return it with the same covering letter.
Dear Sirs,
The enclosed doesn’t cover my requirements. Please send a larger model.
By return of post he didn’t receive a fig leaf. Instead, he got this letter:
Dear Customer,
I’m very sorry to tell you that you have had the largest model possible; we even had to have it specially made. We have no more material left.
May we suggest you stick your requirements in your ear and go as a petrol pump?
LWashington
Well-Known Member
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
A reservist is called into service. On the first day, he’s told: There’ve been some cuts made, so we can't supply guns for everyone, but we’re doing the exercises anyway. Take this broomstick, and whenever you need to shoot, aim it at the enemy and shout “Bangy bangy bang bang!”
So he goes out to the field, sees an “enemy” soldier, aims the stick at him, shouts “Bangy bangy bang bang!” — and the enemy soldier falls down. “This seems to work!” he thinks, and goes on “shooting” enemy soldiers like that all day.
Then in the distance he sees a group of three enemy soldiers, walking in a triangle formation. He comes close to them, aims his stick and shouts “Bangy bangy bang bang!” — nothing happens. He gets closer, and shouts again “Bangy bangy bang bang!” — still nothing. Then one of them smiles, pats the air around him, and says “Tanky tanky tank tank!”
So he goes out to the field, sees an “enemy” soldier, aims the stick at him, shouts “Bangy bangy bang bang!” — and the enemy soldier falls down. “This seems to work!” he thinks, and goes on “shooting” enemy soldiers like that all day.
Then in the distance he sees a group of three enemy soldiers, walking in a triangle formation. He comes close to them, aims his stick and shouts “Bangy bangy bang bang!” — nothing happens. He gets closer, and shouts again “Bangy bangy bang bang!” — still nothing. Then one of them smiles, pats the air around him, and says “Tanky tanky tank tank!”
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
As his wife sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side...
You know what Martha?"
"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I'm beginning to think you're bad luck."
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side...
You know what Martha?"
"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I'm beginning to think you're bad luck."
Citizen of Legoland
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- Joined
- 15 Jan 2013
- Messages
- 10,005