Joke thread

An Inspection team visits a mental asylum

Director shows them around. Eventually they stumble across the room with a single patient sitting on a bed and laughing.

"Why is he laughing?" Inspector asks.

"Oh, that's Carl, he tells jokes to himself" Director responds

"And why did he stop laughing?"

"He'd already heard that one"
^^^^^^^
Lavinda’s autobiography.
 
A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring.

The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.

At the first house a woman complains, “I’ve been a little sick to my stomach.”

The older doctor says, “Well, you’ve probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Cut back on the amount you’ve been eating and see if that does the trick?”

As they left, the younger man said, “You didn’t even examine that woman? How’d you come to the diagnosis so quickly?” “I didn’t have to exampleher... You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the bin. That was what probably was making her sick.”

The younger doctor said, “Pretty clever. If you don’t mind, I think I’ll try that at the next house.”

Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She said that she just didn’t have the energy she once did and said, “I’m feeling terribly run down lately.”

“You’ve probably been doing too much for the church,” the younger doctor told her. “Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps.”

As they left, the elder doctor said, “I know that woman well. Your diagnosis is most certainly correct, she’s very active in the church, but how did you arrive at it?”

“I did what you did at the last house. I dropped my stethoscope and, when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the priest under the bed.
 
A young farmer realised that he had to do something to improve the profitability of the farm that he and his dad ran.

He looked into different enterprises, and finally decided to buy some hens, so that they could sell eggs

Once he’d built a henhouse, he went out and bought some chickens.

After he’d put them in the henhouse, his dad came to see them.

"How many did you buy, then, son?

"I bought 30."

"What are you talking about? There are more than 30 in here," replied the older man.

"I’ve bought 30," asserted the son.

"Look, it’s clear that there are more than 30 hens in here."

"The ones at the bottom are mine. The ones in the middle are mine, but the ones at the top, they’re on hire purchase."
 

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