Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

Reading certain threads on here, you get the urge to get on a train and find someone asleep.

 

[Uwe Already]

Justice is a dish best served cold.

Otherwise it’d be justwater…

 

[Hertzblue]

 

[kippaxneil]

I recently entered a competition to design a poster for the Erectile Dysfunction awareness campaign.
I am pleased to announce that I've made it to the semis.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I had to end my relationship with conjoined twins.

"Look," I said apologetically, "It's not you, it's you."

 

[Lavinda Past]

A fireman looked out of the fire station window and noticed a little boy playing on the pavement.

He had small ladders hung on the side of his little red wagon and a garden hose coiled up in it.
He was wearing a fireman's hat and had the wagon tied to his dog so that the dog could pull the wagon.

The fireman thought this was really cute, so he went out and told the little boy what a great looking fire engine he had. As he did,
he noticed that the dog was tied to the wagon by his testicles.

The fireman said, "Son, I don't want to tell you how to run your fire company, but I think if you tied that rope around the dog's neck you’d go faster."

“Maybe,” said the little boy, "but then I'd lose my siren!"

 

[Lavinda Past]

My mate asked if i could name any famous Syrians.

I said "well there's Botham. ..McKellen... Duncan-Smith..."

 

[Lavinda Past]

A bloke knocked on my door today and said "I've got a parcel for your next door neighbour."

I said, "You've got the wrong house mate."

 

[Lavinda Past]

Two lads went on a roller coaster at Alton Towers.

One said "If this ride goes upside down, will we fall out?"

His mate says "don't be daft, we've been mates for years!"

 

[Hertzblue]