Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Just had a huge lunch... I'm so full I thought I'd struggle to eat a dessert, but it was a piece if cake.
Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
supercity88
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 9 Aug 2009
- Messages
- 13,911
A group of Americans is on holiday in Ireland and join Paddy's scuba diving tours for a day out at sea.
As they're getting their oxygen tanks and all kitted up one of the yanks is sat on the edge of the boat and asks Paddy "why is it we have to fall backwards off the boat?".
And Paddy responds
"Well if you fell forwards, you'd still be on the fecking boat".
As they're getting their oxygen tanks and all kitted up one of the yanks is sat on the edge of the boat and asks Paddy "why is it we have to fall backwards off the boat?".
And Paddy responds
"Well if you fell forwards, you'd still be on the fecking boat".
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
The president of Nigeria apologised to his countrymen today for the poor performance of their athletes in the Paris Olympics.
He understands that many Nigerian fans spent so much money to go to Paris at his urging only to be let down.
He said the government will reimburse all travel costs. He just needs their bank account and PIN.
He understands that many Nigerian fans spent so much money to go to Paris at his urging only to be let down.
He said the government will reimburse all travel costs. He just needs their bank account and PIN.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Putin was being held hostage by a terrorist
A Russian truckdriver stops at the back of a long queue on the motorway. He sees a policeman walking down the line of stopped cars to briefly talk to the drivers.
As the policeman approaches the truck, the truckdriver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on?"
The polieceman explained "A terrorist is holding Putin hostage in a car. He's demanding 10 million rubles, or he'll douse Putin in petrol and set him on fire. So we're asking drivers for donations."
The driver said, "Oh, ok. How much do people donate on average?"
"About a gallon."
A Russian truckdriver stops at the back of a long queue on the motorway. He sees a policeman walking down the line of stopped cars to briefly talk to the drivers.
As the policeman approaches the truck, the truckdriver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on?"
The polieceman explained "A terrorist is holding Putin hostage in a car. He's demanding 10 million rubles, or he'll douse Putin in petrol and set him on fire. So we're asking drivers for donations."
The driver said, "Oh, ok. How much do people donate on average?"
"About a gallon."
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Money saving tip...
Instead of paying full price for products, you can simply visit an archery store, purchase a crossbow, and then get any other products you want for free by pointing it at people.
Instead of paying full price for products, you can simply visit an archery store, purchase a crossbow, and then get any other products you want for free by pointing it at people.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
A cowboy stops in front of the saloon and ties his horse to the hitching rail. Then he walks behind the horse, lifts it’s tail and shove his finger up its butt.
Then he rubs that finger all over his lips and goes in the bar.
Some of boys inside seen what he did and asked him why. The cowboy says, “I’ve got chapped lips.
One of them asks, “Does that help?” He says "sure keeps me from licking them.”
Then he rubs that finger all over his lips and goes in the bar.
Some of boys inside seen what he did and asked him why. The cowboy says, “I’ve got chapped lips.
One of them asks, “Does that help?” He says "sure keeps me from licking them.”
