Joke thread
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Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Your relationship is sink or swim.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
What's the difference between a casual party and a pirate orgy.
The casual party you come as you are, the orgy you arrr as you cum.
The casual party you come as you are, the orgy you arrr as you cum.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
I went to a fancy dress party and the host immediately started to pick on me.
"What's your costume?" he asked.
"A harp."
"You're too small to be a harp," he told me.
I was indignant. "Are you calling me a lyre?"
"What's your costume?" he asked.
"A harp."
"You're too small to be a harp," he told me.
I was indignant. "Are you calling me a lyre?"
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Three young women are at a cocktail party.
The conversation turns to their position in life and it's clear that they are trying to one-up each other.
The first one says, "My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks on vacation," and then looks at the others with a superior demeanor.
The second one says, "Well, my husband just bought me a new Mercedes," and looks about with considerable pride.
Number three says, "Well, to be perfectly honest with you, we don't have much money and we don't have any material possessions. However, one thing I can tell you about my husband is that thirteen canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on his erect penis."
After this, the first one looks shamefaced and says, "Girls, I've got a confession to make. I was just trying to impress you. You know that vacation I was telling you about? Well, it's not to the French Riviera, it's to my parents house for two weeks."
The second one says, "Your honesty has shamed me. It's not a Mercedes, he bought me a Fiat 500."
"Well," the third one says, "I also have a confession to make, canary number thirteen has to stand on one leg!"
The conversation turns to their position in life and it's clear that they are trying to one-up each other.
The first one says, "My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks on vacation," and then looks at the others with a superior demeanor.
The second one says, "Well, my husband just bought me a new Mercedes," and looks about with considerable pride.
Number three says, "Well, to be perfectly honest with you, we don't have much money and we don't have any material possessions. However, one thing I can tell you about my husband is that thirteen canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on his erect penis."
After this, the first one looks shamefaced and says, "Girls, I've got a confession to make. I was just trying to impress you. You know that vacation I was telling you about? Well, it's not to the French Riviera, it's to my parents house for two weeks."
The second one says, "Your honesty has shamed me. It's not a Mercedes, he bought me a Fiat 500."
"Well," the third one says, "I also have a confession to make, canary number thirteen has to stand on one leg!"
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
I had a housewarming party last night
The next morning, I came downstairs to see someone I wasn't well-acquainted with but a friend of a friend lying on the kitchen on floor.
I told him, "Time to go home mate, up you get."
I helped pick him up but he immediately fell back down again.
"Alright you're obviously still drunk, where do you live so I can drive you home?"
"24 Longhouse Avenue" came the mumbled reply from the man"
So I picked him up again to help him get to my car, but every single time I let go of him to stand by himself, he immediately fell back on the floor in a heap.
After the same incident occurring ten times, I finally got him in the car and to the address he mentioned. Once out of the car and falling back down three more times. I managed to drag him to the front door and rang the doorbell.
His wife answered and I explained that her husband had a bit too much to drink last night.
"That's true, my husband does like to get pissed....
where's his wheelchair?"
The next morning, I came downstairs to see someone I wasn't well-acquainted with but a friend of a friend lying on the kitchen on floor.
I told him, "Time to go home mate, up you get."
I helped pick him up but he immediately fell back down again.
"Alright you're obviously still drunk, where do you live so I can drive you home?"
"24 Longhouse Avenue" came the mumbled reply from the man"
So I picked him up again to help him get to my car, but every single time I let go of him to stand by himself, he immediately fell back on the floor in a heap.
After the same incident occurring ten times, I finally got him in the car and to the address he mentioned. Once out of the car and falling back down three more times. I managed to drag him to the front door and rang the doorbell.
His wife answered and I explained that her husband had a bit too much to drink last night.
"That's true, my husband does like to get pissed....
where's his wheelchair?"
Sam Armstrong
Well-Known Member
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Won my first cage fight earlier
Fuckin budgie didn’t know what hit it
Fuckin budgie didn’t know what hit it