Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

Mrs Lavinda and I own four tents which we use for camping

We use all four at different times of the year, each one being based on one of four different musical genres.

In spring we use the rock tent.

in summer we use the pop tent.

in autumn we use the soul tent.

Right now it's the winter of our disco tent.

 

[Lavinda Past]

Two medieval knights meet and have a chat in an extremely muddy field

After a short while, one of them says: "I believe a person's lying in the mud. I appear to be standing on someone's leg."

The other replies: "Now that you mention it, what I thought to be a rock under my feet appears to be someone's torso."

"I think it might be your knight-in-training John. I guess he's passed out drunk again "

"Looks like you're right. How terrible!"

"An unfortunate situation indeed. But it could be worse."

"How do you mean?"

"The youngsters had quite a party last night, there could easily have been more than one lying here for us to stand on."

"You're right. At least we're on the same page."

 

[Lavinda Past]

A secret agent is sent to Ireland to deliver a top secret package

"Go to this small town in Ireland, find our agent named O'Malley and say the following to him: 'the shadows of the moon are getting dark.' He'll reply 'but the sun will guarantee the light.' When he says that, give him the package and head home."

So the agent goes to the small Irish town but only sees a handful of shops and a farm. He walks up to the farmer and says "I'm looking for a man named O'Malley."

The farmer replies "you need to be more specific than that. The bank manager is named O'Malley, the Butcher is O'Malley, the undertaker is O'Malley and for that matter I'm O'Malley too."

Hearing that he says to the farmer in a hushed voice "the shadows of the moon are getting dark."

The farmer replies "oh your looking for O'Malley the spy. He lives in the next community west."

 

[Lavinda Past]

So grandpa, you're 101 years old. What's your secret?

"One time I sucked a cock for a cigarette."

I meant secret for your longevity.

"Oh! Fresh fruits and vegetables."

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Grassland Blue]

You know when you are out and about you are sometimes near an idiot?
Well yesterday I was stood at the bar in the pub and the idiot joined me.
Then I went to the bank and there was the idiot, stood behind me.
Then I got on the bus and the idiot came and sat right next to me.....









I'm thinking of divorcing her!