Joke thread

Three sisters age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.
One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts her foot in and pauses.
She yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see."
She starts up the stairs and pauses, then she yells,
"Was I going up the stairs or coming down?"
The 92 year old was sitting at the kitchen table having tea
listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says,
"I sure hope I never get that forgetful." She knocks
on wood for good measure. She then yells,
"I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see
who's at the door."
 
Fred_Quimby said:
Three sisters age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.
One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts her foot in and pauses.
She yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see."
She starts up the stairs and pauses, then she yells,
"Was I going up the stairs or coming down?"
The 92 year old was sitting at the kitchen table having tea
listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says,
"I sure hope I never get that forgetful." She knocks
on wood for good measure. She then yells,
"I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see
who's at the door."
Click to expand...

Strangely enough I can relate to that.
 
Donald is walking out of the white house and heading toward his limo,When a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun. A secret service agent new on the job shouts “Mickey mouse!” This startles the would be assassin and he is captured. Later the secret service agents supervisor takes him aside and asks “What in the hell made you shout Mickey mouse?” Blushing the agent replies “I got nervous, i meant to shout Donald,duck!’
 
Chev Chelios said:
Donald is walking out of the white house and heading toward his limo,When a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun. A secret service agent new on the job shouts “Mickey mouse!” This startles the would be assassin and he is captured. Later the secret service agents supervisor takes him aside and asks “What in the hell made you shout Mickey mouse?” Blushing the agent replies “I got nervous, i meant to shout Donald,duck!’
Click to expand...
“Micky mouse” would do us all a favour.
 
Sometimes jokes go wrong. A friend of mine, who fancies himself as a wit, was doing a spell of supply teaching some years ago, and was called on one day to do a couple of days in a school in Hyde.

During morning break, he thought he'd enliven the staff room by telling this gag: "I believe they're making a film of the life of Harold Shipman, starring Robert de Niro. They're calling it "The Old Dear Hunter"......."

A deathly silence fell on the room and one woman burst into tears and fled the room, sobbing. "What's up with her?" my friend asked.
The reply was "Her mother was one of Harold Shipman's victims".

He was never asked back there again. (true story).
 
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