Joke thread

[BillyBonds]

The England team visited an orphanage in Brazil today. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope" said Jose, age 6.

 

[jimharri]

The England team visited an orphanage in Brazil today. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope" said Jose, age 6.

Your fellow 'ammer on here will be on your case now. How dare you disparage Roy's band of brave souls!

 

[BillyBonds]

The England team visited an orphanage in Brazil today. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope" said Jose, age 6.

Your fellow 'ammer on here will be on your case now. How dare you disparage Roy's band of brave souls!

 

[garymj]

The reading of the will. To my darling wife miriam I leave you the house in bel air and 10 million dollars tax free, enjoy sweetheart enjoy. To my children, I leave all my worldly goods, 1 million dollars each tax free, enjoy. Finally my brother in law louis, who always smoked the best cigars, mine, and drank the best brandy, mine, and who always said I would never remember him in my will,...... "hello louis.

 

[Tuearts right boot]

Three Latvian men brag about sons. First Latvian say, "My son is soldier he rape many womens."
Second man say "my son is farmer he have many potato"
Third man say "My son die of malnourish, but is okay over is suffering"
Other mans say "Oh you wins" But they is all sad

Knock Knock
Who there?
Is Latvian Potato seller
Okay I opens door
Not really potato seller, is Latvian secret police, you is execute

Latvian girl sday to father, "I want go to America one day"
Latvian Father say "Okay i take you America"
Much tears of joy from daughter
Latvian man use tears to salt potato
Man has idea
"I no take you to America"
More salt for potato

Latvian go to Potato seller
He say "I give you five rubles for potato"
Potato Seller say "ten rubles"
Latvian man say "eight"
Seller say "Okay is deal"
Latvian man say " I ashamed, I no has money"
Potato seller say "Is okay I no has potato"

Latvian Man come in home from cold with potato for feed family
Family take by secret police to Siberia
Latvian Man say "Is okay, I have potato to myself I no die of malnourish"
But potato have worm, and he die of freeze. Is very sad

What the fuck and by Jesus in the world of human evolution and walking upright was the fucking hell was that???

You ****

You've got to admit even though it was shite, it was a hell of lot funnier than anything Tangosteve's put on here

 

[TangerineSteve17]

My type of jokes.

In my arms I have a glass of famous irish ale, a globe and an LP.........I'm a Guinness World Record holder.

Apparently it's impossible to eat 4 dry crackers in one minute.
Always up for a challenge I thought I'd give it a go.
I managed three but then I choked on a plastic frog toy.

A dry biscuit.....That's a cracker isn't it!

 

[TangerineSteve17]

You've got to admit even though it was shite, it was a hell of lot funnier than anything Tangosteve's put on here

Hey at least you can not laugh in less than 30 seconds with mine.

 

[DavidSilvasLeftFoot]

Three Latvian men brag about sons. First Latvian say, "My son is soldier he rape many womens."
Second man say "my son is farmer he have many potato"
Third man say "My son die of malnourish, but is okay over is suffering"
Other mans say "Oh you wins" But they is all sad

Knock Knock
Who there?
Is Latvian Potato seller
Okay I opens door
Not really potato seller, is Latvian secret police, you is execute

Latvian girl sday to father, "I want go to America one day"
Latvian Father say "Okay i take you America"
Much tears of joy from daughter
Latvian man use tears to salt potato
Man has idea
"I no take you to America"
More salt for potato

Latvian go to Potato seller
He say "I give you five rubles for potato"
Potato Seller say "ten rubles"
Latvian man say "eight"
Seller say "Okay is deal"
Latvian man say " I ashamed, I no has money"
Potato seller say "Is okay I no has potato"

Latvian Man come in home from cold with potato for feed family
Family take by secret police to Siberia
Latvian Man say "Is okay, I have potato to myself I no die of malnourish"
But potato have worm, and he die of freeze. Is very sad

What the fuck and by Jesus in the world of human evolution and walking upright was the fucking hell was that???

You ****

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[city saint]

my wife thinks im a nosey bastard,thats what it says in her diary anyway

 

[manchester blue]

You've got to admit even though it was shite, it was a hell of lot funnier than anything Tangosteve's put on here

Hey at least you can not laugh in less than 30 seconds with mine.

That last line was funnier than all your jokes combined!!

Actually carry on, I've nicked a few.