Joke thread

TangerineSteve17 said:
This bloke said to me "I'm gonna hit you over the head with the neck of my guitar!"
I said "Is that a fret?"

Got stung by a bee the other day. £20 for a jar of honey...couldn't believe it.

I went bobsleighing last week. Killed 12 Bobs.



Haha I do love your jokes
 
BlueBearBoots said:
TangerineSteve17 said:
This bloke said to me "I'm gonna hit you over the head with the neck of my guitar!"
I said "Is that a fret?"

Got stung by a bee the other day. £20 for a jar of honey...couldn't believe it.

I went bobsleighing last week. Killed 12 Bobs.



Haha I do love your jokes
Give him a lol

I won't be offended
 
Mick walks into Paddy's barn and catches him dancing naked and playing with himself in front of a tractor. Mick says, "Jaysus Paddy, what’re ye doing?"
Paddy says, "Well me and Mary haven't been gettin’ on in the bedroom lately & the therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor.....”
 
jimharri said:
Mick walks into Paddy's barn and catches him dancing naked and playing with himself in front of a tractor. Mick says, "Jaysus Paddy, what’re ye doing?"
Paddy says, "Well me and Mary haven't been gettin’ on in the bedroom lately & the therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor.....”

That's tickled me , a few half pissed Aussies have even managed a smile at that one.
 
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart.
He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.
One student said to his friend:
"I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."
The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned
in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man.They approached him and one of the students said to him;
''Excuse me We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you were walking; however, we couldn't agree on the
condition you might have, could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said; "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine
medical students think."
The first student said; "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."
The old man said; "You thought well- but you are wrong."
The other student said; "I think you have Zovitzki
Syndrome."
The old man said; "You thought well too - but you also are wrong."
So they asked him, "Well, Sir, what do you have?"
The old man said; "Well, I thought it was gas... but I was wrong, too!"
 
If I had a pound for every stray dog I saw...there wouldn't be any stray dogs.

My wife is going through the change. I've got to stop leaving money in my dirty jeans.

My brother is a soldier. He's not a real soldier, he's a thin strip of buttered toast.
 
TangerineSteve17 said:
If I had a pound for every stray dog I saw...there wouldn't be any stray dogs.

My wife is going through the change. I've got to stop leaving money in my dirty jeans.

My brother is a soldier. He's not a real soldier, he's a thin strip of buttered toast.
Have you stolen Milton Jones' joke book?
 

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