Joke thread

[Dicko69]

These crack me up Steve. Keep em coming, dont listen to those miserable sods.

@ts
Yeah mate, ignore the haters, I laugh at loads and loads of your jokes, at least 2percent of them, at least they're short and sweet, not like some short story ones

 

[TangerineSteve17]

These crack me up Steve. Keep em coming, dont listen to those miserable sods.

@ts
Yeah mate, ignore the haters, I laugh at loads and loads of your jokes, at least 2percent of them, at least they're short and sweet, not like some short story ones

Hehe cheers, I think :) I don't really care about the people who hate them. I'm doing no harm.

 

[Dicko69]

These crack me up Steve. Keep em coming, dont listen to those miserable sods.

@ts
Yeah mate, ignore the haters, I laugh at loads and loads of your jokes, at least 2percent of them, at least they're short and sweet, not like some short story ones

Hehe cheers, I think :) I don't really care about the people who hate them. I'm doing no harm.

Keep em coming

 

[kywc84]

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself "Well this changes everything".

 

[TangerineSteve17]

My mum used to force feed me spinach everday. And I was only aloud to drink blended fruit juice. Now I'm older I realise you have to take the roughage with the smoothies

I hated my dad growing up, why did he have to get older! Why!

I heard the funniest joke last night, I literally fell out of bed laughing. Had to go to A&E. I'm still in stitches.

 

[TheTrillionDollarMan]

whats grey, sits at the end of your bed, and takes the piss out of you 24/7? ..a kidney dialysis machine.

 

[Tanzeylee]

 

[chris63]

took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud’s Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said, ‘Keep her moving sir, we’re stock-taking’

“I haven’t spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months. I don’t like to interrupt her.”

“My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we’re having a change. We’re going to let her in.”

 

[TheTrillionDollarMan]

<a class="postlink" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtY2I5PbQpE" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtY2I5PbQpE</a>

 

[mrcunny]

On my first day in prison, my cellmate said to me, "If you ever come close to me, I'll fucking skin you. When we're sleeping, you don't fucking touch me. You hear me? Don't ever talk to me, either."
"Fucking great," I thought, "First day in here and I'm already married."