Alex the Blue
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 14 Sep 2010
- Messages
- 1,276
I can't stand those Russian dolls, they're full of themselves
Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
jimharri
Moderator
There are three types of people in this world...those who can count and those who can't.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am indeed here all week.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am indeed here all week.
foetus
Well-Known Member
jimharri said:
TheBlueDune
Well-Known Member
There are 10 types of peoplejimharri said:
Those who understand binary and those who don't
Ventriloquist approaches his agent and complains about lack of work. His agent replies "Well, your a bit out of date now, why don't you change course, become a Medium and hold séances, very popular at the moment." So off he goes on a crash Mediums course and one month later sets up shop on the High Street. His first customer is an old lady.
Med. Yes Madam, what can we do for you?
O.L. Well its about my Jack, he died six months ago and ooh, I do miss 'im. I'd like to get in touch with 'im.
Med. No problem madam, we should be able to help you there, we have the £10 séance, the £15 séance, or the luxury £25 séance.
O.L. Well I haven't got much money, what do I get for £10?
Med. For £10 madam, you ask me a question, I ask Jack, he replies to me and I tell you the answer.
O.L. Oh dear, that sounds a bit impersonal, what do I get for £15?
Med. For £15, you ask me a question, I ask Jack, and he replies directly to you, in his own voice, in this very room.
O.L. Oh that's much better, I think I'll go for that, but can you just tell me what I would get for£25?
Med. Well madam for £25 you get our full luxury séance, where you ask me a question, I ask Jack, and he replies directly to you in his own voice, in this very room, whilst I drink a glass of water.
Med. Yes Madam, what can we do for you?
O.L. Well its about my Jack, he died six months ago and ooh, I do miss 'im. I'd like to get in touch with 'im.
Med. No problem madam, we should be able to help you there, we have the £10 séance, the £15 séance, or the luxury £25 séance.
O.L. Well I haven't got much money, what do I get for £10?
Med. For £10 madam, you ask me a question, I ask Jack, he replies to me and I tell you the answer.
O.L. Oh dear, that sounds a bit impersonal, what do I get for £15?
Med. For £15, you ask me a question, I ask Jack, and he replies directly to you, in his own voice, in this very room.
O.L. Oh that's much better, I think I'll go for that, but can you just tell me what I would get for£25?
Med. Well madam for £25 you get our full luxury séance, where you ask me a question, I ask Jack, and he replies directly to you in his own voice, in this very room, whilst I drink a glass of water.
Zuriblue
Well-Known Member
The incoming Syriza government in Greece have stated that their first concern is to ensure that Taramasalata & Tzatziki production remains stable during the transition period.
They really don't want a double dip recession..
They really don't want a double dip recession..
In a tragic accident Manuel Pellegrini and SAF are both killed and go to heaven. They decide to go up together and keep each other company along the way.
When they arrive St Peter meets them both at the gate and welcomes them both in.
SAF decides he should be dealt with first and St Peter takes him to a lovely mansion decked out in red and white and with piped music playing "glory Glory man Utd" and "Take Me Home East Lancs Road" and there are videos on loop of the Champions League win.... and he is very satisfied.
When St Peter leaves him he goes for a walk and he sees this magnificent castle og the hillside, all sky blue and white, sun shining and the golden statues of Francis Lee! Colin Bell and Bert Trautman (the three he can see) are glistening. There is a huge screen playing City's Cup victories and showing Agueros goal back in May 2012. There is music blasting out "boys in blue" and Bluemoon. It is a fantastic spectacle miles better than what he has.
So, off he goes to find St Peter, and when he does find him he demands WHY THE FUCK HAS PELLEGRINI GOT A BETTER PLACE THAN ME..? ITS JUST NOT RIGHT AND I'M GOING TO COMPLAIN TO THE TOP MAN.
St Peter casually turns around to him and says that's not Pellegrini's place.... It's gods!
Boom Boom tish... Well I thought it epwas funny.
When they arrive St Peter meets them both at the gate and welcomes them both in.
SAF decides he should be dealt with first and St Peter takes him to a lovely mansion decked out in red and white and with piped music playing "glory Glory man Utd" and "Take Me Home East Lancs Road" and there are videos on loop of the Champions League win.... and he is very satisfied.
When St Peter leaves him he goes for a walk and he sees this magnificent castle og the hillside, all sky blue and white, sun shining and the golden statues of Francis Lee! Colin Bell and Bert Trautman (the three he can see) are glistening. There is a huge screen playing City's Cup victories and showing Agueros goal back in May 2012. There is music blasting out "boys in blue" and Bluemoon. It is a fantastic spectacle miles better than what he has.
So, off he goes to find St Peter, and when he does find him he demands WHY THE FUCK HAS PELLEGRINI GOT A BETTER PLACE THAN ME..? ITS JUST NOT RIGHT AND I'M GOING TO COMPLAIN TO THE TOP MAN.
St Peter casually turns around to him and says that's not Pellegrini's place.... It's gods!
Boom Boom tish... Well I thought it epwas funny.
A museum visitor was admiring a Tyrannosaurus fossil, and asked a nearby museum employee how old it was.
“That skeleton’s sixty-five million and three years, two months and eighteen days old,” the employee replied. “How can you know it that well?” she asked. “Well, when I started working here, I asked a scientist the exact same question, and he said it was sixty-five million years old—and that was three years, two months and eighteen days ago.”
“That skeleton’s sixty-five million and three years, two months and eighteen days old,” the employee replied. “How can you know it that well?” she asked. “Well, when I started working here, I asked a scientist the exact same question, and he said it was sixty-five million years old—and that was three years, two months and eighteen days ago.”