Joke thread

[Bill Walker]

A good friend of mine was obsessed with being run over by a steam train.

When it actually happened he was chuffed to bits.....

 

[KS55]

A blonde takes her misfiring car to the garage. The mechanic says: "Nothing to worry about, just shit in the air filter."
"Great," the woman says "How often do I have to do that?"

 

[i kne albert davy]

A blonde takes her misfiring car to the garage. The mechanic says: "Nothing to worry about, just shit in the air filter."
"Great," the woman says "How often do I have to do that?"

That was an Irishman first time I heard it.

 

[KS55]

That was an Irishman first time I heard it.

That's racist, this version is just sexist!

 

[lefty goldblatt]

Carburettor for me

 

[dickie davies]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Magicpole]

Well done @Magicpole not everyone gets a sticker you know.

I was well chuffed.

 

[dickie davies]

I hate it when someone tries to impress me by pretending to be cultured
They'll say that they like Mozart's works but I reckon they've never even seen one of his paintings

 

[crazyg]

I hate it when someone tries to impress me by pretending to be cultured
They'll say that they like Mozart's works but I reckon they've never even seen one of his paintings

My daughter saw his drawings in the Sistine Chapel recently when she was in Rome. Said they were OK, but she strained her neck looking up at them.
;-)

 

[Deleted member 77198]

My daughter saw his drawings in the Sistine Chapel recently when she was in Rome. Said they were OK, but she strained her neck looking up at them.
;-)

The sixteenth chapel? Who painted the other fifteen?

 

[crazyg]

The sixteenth chapel? Who painted the other fifteen?

Some guy called Rodin, she told me.

 

[Mid Wales blue]

The sixteenth chapel? Who painted the other fifteen?

Armitage shanks, that’s who did our cistern!

 

[dickie davies]

Some guy called Rodin, she told me.

Our holding midfielder!

He is talented

 

[crazyg]

Our holding midfielder!

He is talented

Leaves no stone unturned.

 

[crazyg]

Leaves no stone unturned.

Unlike the guy who had an obsession about killing sea birds.

He left no tern unstoned.

 

[Bill Walker]

I've just been told the clocks go back this month.....
Can't remember where we got ours from..

 

[Bill Walker]

Yesterday I went to a meeting of people who are addicted to plastic surgery.

There was a lot of new faces there.

 

[lefty goldblatt]

That ball's had 3 new bladders and 4 new valves.

Look after your balls, says Trigger

 

[Maccblue]

I've just been told the clocks go back this month.....
Can't remember where we got ours from..

Just remember if you’re dyslexic
Your cocks go black