Joke thread

[Blue Mist]

What's the difference between iron man and iron woman?

Answer: Iron man is a film, iron woman is an order.


No my wife didn't find it funny either !

 

[BlueHammer85]

Spurs have apologized to Lazio after accusing their fans of chanting racist monkey noises at Jermaine Defoe after Lazio explained there was no racist intent as the chants were aimed at Gareth Bale

 

[mrcunny]

My girlfriend was putting cream on "do you mind doing my back ? She asked . I winked and said ok . But let's pretend i am your butler and my names"Dawes" "Ok" she giggled. "would you mind doing my back ,Dawes ?And that was all the invitation I needed

 

[stony]

My girlfriend was putting cream on "do you mind doing my back ? She asked . I winked and said ok . But let's pretend i am your butler and my names"Dawes" "Ok" she giggled. "would you mind doing my back ,Dawes ?And that was all the invitation I needed

Wretched Vengeance's mrs fell for that on Saturday.

 

[mrcunny]

My girlfriend was putting cream on "do you mind doing my back ? She asked . I winked and said ok . But let's pretend i am your butler and my names"Dawes" "Ok" she giggled. "would you mind doing my back ,Dawes ?And that was all the invitation I needed

Wretched Vengeance's mrs fell for that on Saturday.

pm me all the details mate.:-)

 

[pieface]

When i was a kid,every new year my dad would take us to the circus at Belle Vue to see the fat tattooed ladies...........now their everywhere.

 

[Ragnarok]

When i was a kid,every new year my dad would take us to the circus at Belle Vue to see the fat tattooed ladies...........now their everywhere.

they're

 

[pieface]

^^sorry.

I was in Paris with my girlfriend,what a wonderfully cultured romantic beautiful City.
But i couldnt understand all the Parisions walking around with their heads down looking at the ground in such a culturally inspiring place.................then i stood in some dog shit.

 

[hackneyslim]

^^sorry.

I was in Paris with my girlfriend,what a wonderfully cultured romantic beautiful City.
But i couldnt understand all the Parisions walking around with their heads down looking at the ground in such a culturally inspiring place.................then i stood in some dog shit.

Parisians.
This isn't Trip Advisor, is it?

 

[oddfellows]

My friend Gav died yesterday from over dosing on heart burn tablets.......I can't believe Gavisgon!

 

[Brisblu]

As you all know I'm not usually one for posting warnings about potential scams but I had a close call yesterday.

I walked into B&Q at lunchtime and some old guy dressed in orange asked me if I wanted decking.

Fortunately, I got the first punch in and that was the end of that.

 

[kippax81]

Low Alcohol Beer.

It's like licking your sister's fanny.

Tastes similar..........but it's just not right

 

[jimharri]

Before me and the missus had sex she said, "If you turn off the light, you can shove it up my arse."
With hindsight, I probably should have waited until the bulb had cooled down.

 

[2sheikhs]

When i was a kid,every new year my dad would take us to the circus at Belle Vue to see the fat tattooed ladies...........now their everywhere.

they're

ladies?

 

[tueartsboots]

Nightmare! On the way back from Dagenham, I just overtook a huge truck, accidentally cutting him up. He then growled passed, pulled next to me at the traffic lights, and opened his window. I was expecting a series of expletives, but he said, “your perpendicular driving resulted in the need for an overly swift deceleration, which I found deplorable.” I thought it weird, then realised it was an articulated lorry

 

[pieface]

When i was a kid,every new year my dad would take us to the circus at Belle Vue to see the fat tattooed ladies...........now their everywhere.

they're

ladies?

^^sorry.

I was in Paris with my girlfriend,what a wonderfully cultured romantic beautiful City.
But i couldnt understand all the Parisions walking around with their heads down looking at the ground in such a culturally inspiring place.................then i stood in some dog shit.

Parisians.
This isn't Trip Advisor, is it?

ok so i write a joke and it fails on a spelling arrer?

 

[Blue Mist]

Nightmare! On the way back from Dagenham, I just overtook a huge truck, accidentally cutting him up. He then growled passed, pulled next to me at the traffic lights, and opened his window. I was expecting a series of expletives, but he said, “your perpendicular driving resulted in the need for an overly swift deceleration, which I found deplorable.” I thought it weird, then realised it was an articulated lorry

Brilliant.

 

[hackneyslim]

they're

ladies?

^^sorry.

I was in Paris with my girlfriend,what a wonderfully cultured romantic beautiful City.
But i couldnt understand all the Parisions walking around with their heads down looking at the ground in such a culturally inspiring place.................then i stood in some dog shit.

Parisians.
This isn't Trip Advisor, is it?

ok so i write a joke and it fails on a spelling arrer?

Do you want to engage?
Think, now.

 

[Harrilew]

Got a new neighbour who is Bulimic, the noise has been keeping me awake till all hours, last night it got so bad I had to bang the wall and ask her to keep it down

 

[BackofJeanette]

Child rapist Jimmy Saville was a big fan of jewellery..

He loved nothing more than squeezing his fingers into a couple of tight rings.    <br /><br />-- Sun Sep 30, 2012 8:51 pm --<br /><br />What's the difference between Lance Armstrong's Doctor and Manchester United keeper Anders Lindegaard?..

Lance's Doctors can save a ball.