Joke thread

[Mustard Dave]

What's the difference between a diva and a diver?

Only one of them can breathe underwater.

 

[The_Mo]

A man went into a library and asked for a book on suicide. The librarian replied 'Fuck off your not bringing it back'.

 

[bennyblue]

What's yellow and stinks of marge? Homer's fingers

 

[mrcunny]

Good news 4 all the ugly fat Fuckkas who didn't get Valentines card today......,.

Its pancake Tuesday next week.

 

[hackneyslim]

"What do we want?"
"Now!"
"When do we want them?"
"More neutrinos!"

 

[citymantop]

A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the Counter and said 'Hi, I'm looking for a job'.

The man behind the counter replied 'Your timing is amazing. We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their Overseas holidays. The Salary package is £200,000 a year'.

The Scouser said 'You're bullshitting me!'

The man behind the counter said 'Well you started it!'

 

[bananamilksheikh]

I shopped in Aldi last week and can recommend the Korean meat balls. They really were the dogs bollox.

I also got some Jamie Oliver sausages. Well I presume they were his; it said "prick with a fork" on the packet!

I saw the new Apple gadget for children endorsed by Kevin Webster....iTouch-kids

 

[2bluegp]

What's the difference between a diva and a diver?

Only one of them can breathe underwater.

like it, I.m nicking that! ;)

 

[jimharri]

What have Arsenal and Harry Redknapp got in common?





They both got in to lots of trouble after meeting up with Milan in Europe.

 

[speccybob]

Whats 4 foot high and sits by a young child's bed ?











Gary Glitter's Boots