Joke thread

[gaudinho's stolen car]

I can't believe it's Pancake Tuesday already. It always crepes up on me.

 

[Johnsonontheleft]

Thought i'd post this here as the other thread has been pulled....

A Welsh Muslim was caught having sex with a sheep today, He said it was islamb and he could do what he fucking wanted with it...

Racist.

Patrice Evra has put in a formal complaint to the mods.

 

[citymad]

A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'. A spokesman for the channel said.... 'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'<br /><br />-- Tue Feb 21, 2012 10:54 am --<br /><br />I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself ‘that guy’s heading for a breakdown’.

On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said ‘English speaking Doctor’ - I thought, 'What a good idea, why don’t we have them in our country?'

 

[mrcunny]

I'm not saying my wife is a slag but even the labels in her knickers say Next!

 

[malg]

A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'. A spokesman for the channel said.... 'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'

-- Tue Feb 21, 2012 10:54 am --

I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself ‘that guy’s heading for a breakdown’.

On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said ‘English speaking Doctor’ - I thought, 'What a good idea, why don’t we have them in our country?'

Quality...had me giggling anyway.

 

[Bill]

I can't believe it's Pancake Tuesday already. It always crepes up on me.

jess likes this, if it was on facebook you would get a thumbs up, apparantly.

 

[oakiecokie]

An oldie from Chubby.
"Talking to an old girlfried of mine the other week.Next minute i says ""hang on I smell cock around here"".
She says "sorry Chubby that`ll be me.I`ve just belched !!"

 

[BELLENDER]

My wife's been complaining for hours about toothache. She's been going on and on about the pain, and how much she's afraid of the dentist.

I'd had enough, so I got a pair of pliers, stood on her forehead and yanked it out.

Let's see how much moaning she can do without a tongue!

 

[BELLENDER]

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for
several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears:
'You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side...
You know what Mary?'

'What dear?' she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

'I'm beginning to think you're fucking bad luck...'

 

[BELLENDER]

Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show, a spokesman said "We'll struggle to get another man of the same calibre."
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