Joke thread

[Hayley Croppers chopper]

I went for a job as a Handyman, gaffer said

“what makes you the best choice for this appointment?”

“I live just round the corner”

Then a Stacker Driver/Labourer

“Can you drive a forklift?”

“Yes”

“Can you brew up?”

“Fucks sake, how big’s the teapot?”

Some very traditional jokes there mate ;)

 

[Fred_Quimby]

Christmas time.

Why do golfers wear 2 pairs of trousers?

in case they get a hole in one.

What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?

lost

What’s furry and minty?

A Polo Bear.

 

[dronefromsector7G]

I just heard a woodpecker call me a paranoid tw@t in morse code.

Page 152 wants its joke back ;-)

 

[Dazzle84]

What's Putin's favourite Christmas movie?

Kremlins.

 

[hammocity]

Some very traditional jokes there mate ;)

Very old pal, it’s just some of the younger ones don’t hear them, there’s a reason, they were shit jokes 40 years ago :-)

 

[jimharri]

According to ancient Japanese folklore, the colour of a persons aura changes to cyan before they die.



Cyan aura.

 

[Onholiday(somemightsay)]

According to ancient Japanese folklore, the colour of a persons aura changes to cyan before they die.



Cyan aura.

How do you give a half-like on here..........

 

[jimharri]

How do you give a half-like on here..........

Only a half? Where's that ban button?

 

[Mr Blue Moon]

Only a half? Where's that ban button?

Would that be Ban zai?

 

[Sam Armstrong]

I was driving home yesterday when I came up to one of those half barrier level crossings.

The red lights were flashing and the barriers were on their way down so I pulled up sharply. Suddenly this car full of Scousers pulled out and tried to beat the lights and barriers. They got half way across when a large fully laden goods train hit them, the car disintegrated and all the occupants were killed instantly. I sat there open mouthed and thought "Jesus, that could have easily been me!"

So this morning I've sent off my train drivers’ application form to Network Rail!!!