Joke thread

[Sam Armstrong]

Turn a regular sofa into a sofa bed this Christmas by simply forgetting your wife’s present!!!

 

[Indaparkside]

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom’
One snatches your watch,
While the other watches your snatch.

 

[SuperstarNeilC]

[redacted due to explicit content]

 

[TheRemainsOfTheDave]

I was driving home yesterday when I came up to one of those half barrier level crossings.

The red lights were flashing and the barriers were on their way down so I pulled up sharply. Suddenly this car full of Scousers pulled out and tried to beat the lights and barriers. They got half way across when a large fully laden goods train hit them, the car disintegrated and all the occupants were killed instantly. I sat there open mouthed and thought "Jesus, that could have easily been me!"

So this morning I've sent off my train drivers’ application form to Network Rail!!!

Lol. The missus asked me what I was laughing at so I told her and she thinks I'm sick.

 

[Michael j]

Went out for drinks with the wife and friends.
The friends asked why I don't buy her flowers.
I replied that I didn't know she sold flowers.
That's when the fight started.

 

[Onholiday(somemightsay)]

Only a half? Where's that ban button?

;-)

 

[Onholiday(somemightsay)]

Would that be Ban zai?

He's gonna be fuming as that's better than his original post :-)

 

[RadcliffeRick]

He's gonna be fuming as that's better than his original post :-)

Let's be honest. MOST posts on here are better

 

[jimharri]

He's gonna be fuming as that's better than his original post :-)

Now now; let's not get silly.

 

[Michael j]