Joke thread

My wife finally left me because apparently I “ keep over exaggerating everything ”

Honestly I was that shocked I nearly tripped over my own cock.
 
I went to the doctor's. I was concerned about my hearing and being unable to father a child. He confirmed I had hearing problems, but it wasn't all bad. He also told me I was important.
 
Went to get my haircut this morning ,when I got there the queue went right down the road ,after about half an hour a chap came out of the barber's with a big tray with sausages , burgers and chicken legs on it ,
Got to say that's the best barber queue I've ever been to.
 

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