Joke thread

Fred gets a message from his neighbour Pete.
I'm very sorry Fred, I have to tell you that I've been using you Wife this past few weeks. I haven't been getting any at home at all and I was very frustrated.
I know it was twatish of me but I hope you will understand and forgive me. I will buy you a couple of pints when i see you at the pub mate..

Fred dwells on this for a few days and grows extremely angry at Pete, how could any fucker do that to a mate, the lousy ****..
He broods until finally snapping, he digs out his old service revolver and waits till Pete comes outside, runs over and shoots him dead.

Fred gets a rush of elation that revenge has been dealt out. And the twat is dead, good fucking riddance.

Just then another text arrives, it's from Pete, Fred thinks..he must've sent it just before I shot the bastard.

He reads it, it says "I know you probably realised that I meant Wifi (not Wife) in my previous message but just though I'd clarify that LoL"
 
Been on the profanity thread, had a peek at viz and found a great letter bocks that tickled me:

☐I DON’T know why on earth the manager of the French team at the women’s Euros was covering her mouth when speaking to her sub before putting her on. She would doubtless be speaking foreign so nobody could understand her anyway.

N Farage, WCO Dover
 
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