Joke thread

A Glaswegian is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.

He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher....The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, hereupon he asks the drunk, 'Are you ready to find Jesus?'. The drunk shouts, 'Aye, I am.'

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.He pulls him up and asks the drunk, ‘Brother have you found Jesus?' The drunk replies, 'No, Ah havnae found Jesus.'

The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer.He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Have you found Jesus my brother?' The drunk again answers, 'No, Ah havnae found Jesus.'

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up.

The preacher again asks the drunk, 'For the love of God have you found Jesus?'

The drunk wipes his eyes, catches his breath and says to the preacher, 'Are you sure this is where he fell in?’
 

Trained Frog​


A man walks into a bar with a frog on his shoulder and sits next to a woman.

The woman is intrigued and asks him about the frog.

Man: “This is my trained frog. He will eat pussy on command”.

Woman: “No, I don’t believe you”.

Man: “Really, it’s quite amazing”.

Woman: “I still don’t believe you”.

Man: “If you don’t believe me, see it for yourself”.

Woman: “Alright, I’ve got to see this”.

They go back to her apartment. The woman takes off her clothes and lies on the bed.The man takes the frog and places it between her legs and commands the frog: “Frog. Eat pussy”.

Nothing happens.

The man tells the frog with more emphasis.”Frog. Eat pussy”!

Still nothing.

The man sighs and exclaims “Ok, fine. I’ll show you ONE MORE TIME”.
 
MCFC68 said:
That’s horrific
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I was further down at the front of that block,i saw that photo and downloaded it somewhere,its not one of mine.
I couldn't believe it when I first saw it,i remember when I bought my tickets I'd heard of some seats with " restricted view " , but that is just shocking, FUCK uefa
 
blue44 said:
I was further down at the front of that block,i saw that photo and downloaded it somewhere,its not one of mine.
I couldn't believe it when I first saw it,i remember when I bought my tickets I'd heard of some seats with " restricted view " , but that is just shocking, FUCK uefa
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I work at a company that does a lot of work at theatres and in the music biz, we would get laughed out of the industry if we tried to pass something like that, they have sight line regulations and stuff like that to make sure it doesn’t happen. That’s a modern stadium who the fuck passed that shit?
 
Blue tube said:
I work at a company that does a lot of work at theatres and in the music biz, we would get laughed out of the industry if we tried to pass something like that, they have sight line regulations and stuff like that to make sure it doesn’t happen. That’s a modern stadium who the fuck passed that shit?
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Nobody seems to give a shit if its football fans, when we played Villareal anywhere in our stand apart from front you couldn't see the net below who designed that FFS.
 
One of the managers at a factory was told they were tightening their belts and he would have to lay someone in his department off.

He thought about Jack, but he had three kids to support, and then his secretary Mary who had just secured a mortgage on a new house, so he was in a bit of a dilemma.

He went to see Mary and said “Mary I either have to lay you or Jack off”

Mary said “You will have to Jack off, It's the wrong time of the month"
 
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