Joke thread

My mate Ben House has just lost 23 stones, winning slimmer of the year 2019, his wife won the female award, losing 19 stones and their daughter won the junior award, losing 12 stones.

They're now known as the lighthouse family.
 
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A baby balloon tried to squeeze into his parent bed put couldn't find enough space.
Quietly, he first let some air out of his mum, then his dad. Still not enough room so he let some air out of himself.
In the morning his parents chastised him "You let you mother down, you let your father down BUT worst of all you let yourself down".
 
Fiftyyearsandcounting said:
A baby balloon tried to squeeze into his parent bed put couldn't find enough space.
Quietly, he first let some air out of his mum, then his dad. Still not enough room so he let some air out of himself.
In the morning his parents chastised him "You let you mother down, you let your father down BUT worst of all you let yourself down".
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Lifetime thread ban issued.
 
Fiftyyearsandcounting said:
A baby balloon tried to squeeze into his parent bed put couldn't find enough space.
Quietly, he first let some air out of his mum, then his dad. Still not enough room so he let some air out of himself.
In the morning his parents chastised him "You let you mother down, you let your father down BUT worst of all you let yourself down".
Click to expand...

That is a piss poor attempt at nicking one of the few jokes to come out of Vicar of Dibley.
 
AHH, the Vicar of Dibley, as unfunny now, as it ever was.

Did you know, Lenny Henry was a restless sleeper, and often found himself halfway down the bed. Many's the time, he woke up at the crack of dawn
 
lefty goldblatt said:
AHH, the Vicar of Dibley, as unfunny now, as it ever was.

Did you know, Lenny Henry was a restless sleeper, and often found himself halfway down the bed. Many's the time, he woke up at the crack of dawn
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Bryan McFadden (ex Westlife) had the opposite problem. Being Irish, he'd often have dreams of the old country and would often envisage himself exploring the ring of Kerry.
 
jimharri said:
Bryan McFadden (ex Westlife) had the opposite problem. Being Irish, he'd often have dreams of the old country and would often envisage himself exploring the ring of Kerry.
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My god what a horrible thought. Put me right off my Ovaltine.
 
My mate recently suggested that we change our names by deed poll.

He said: "I'll change mine to 'Pheasant', you change yours to 'Grouse'."

"Fine" I replied, "I'm game if you are."
 
Sam Armstrong said:
My mate recently suggested that we change our names by deed poll.

He said: "I'll change mine to 'Pheasant', you change yours to 'Grouse'."

"Fine" I replied, "I'm game if you are."
Click to expand...
giphy.gif
 
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