Joke thread

[balotellishaircut]

My wife finally left me because apparently I “ keep over exaggerating everything ”

Honestly I was that shocked I nearly tripped over my own cock.

 

[bonespost]

I went to the doctor's. I was concerned about my hearing and being unable to father a child. He confirmed I had hearing problems, but it wasn't all bad. He also told me I was important.

 

[East Level 2]

Is it true that constipated mathematicians work it out with a pencil?

And if that doesn't work they use logs.

 

[ray21]

Champs

 

[Bill Walker]

Went to get my haircut this morning ,when I got there the queue went right down the road ,after about half an hour a chap came out of the barber's with a big tray with sausages , burgers and chicken legs on it ,
Got to say that's the best barber queue I've ever been to.

 

[Bill Walker]

Somebody keeps dumping soil on my allotment in the middle of the night !
The plot thickens..

 

[chris63]

My mate gave me a tip for a horse called Landfill.

It came last.

It was a rubbish tip.

 

[Tuearts right boot]

And if that doesn't work they use logs.

or their fingers

 

[balotellishaircut]

or their fingers

Fuckin ‘ell it’s breakfast time Tuearts..

 

[dronefromsector7G]

My mate gave me a tip for a horse called Landfill.

It came last.

It was a rubbish tip.

@BimboBob likes this one

 

[Bill Walker]

I painted a clowns face on my wife's face this morning while she was still asleep
She's been giving me funny looks all day

 

[dronefromsector7G]

My penis was once actually in the Guinness Book of Records... Until the librarian kicked me out.

 

[sir baconface]

 

[Bill Walker]

Just watched a musical that was so depressing, so tonight I'm gonna watch one that's Les Miserable

 

[PannickAtTheDisco]

City joined the Super League...

...oh wait.

 

[Bill Walker]

I was on the way home from the supermarket yesterday and I saw a bill board that read 'upcoming events'

I thought....that's a sign of things to come

 

[dronefromsector7G]

I was on the way home from the supermarket yesterday and I saw a bill board that read 'upcoming events'

I thought....that's a sign of things to come

Why the new name?

 

[RadcliffeRick]

Why the new name?

Why the new name who?

 

[Ste1969]

 

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