Joke thread

[Alan Harper's Tash]

 

[hammocity]

Girl goes to the Doctors:

“I’ve got a terrible rash on the inside of my thigh’s”

Doc has a look and says

“Does your boyfriend wear ear rings?”

“Yes, he has several”

Doc

“tell him his ear rings aren’t real gold”.

 

[hammocity]

Egg and bacon in a frying pan

Egg says “its hot in here”

Bacon says “fuck me, a talking egg”

 

[Cellarite]

Bloke goes into a pet shop
"Can I have ten bees please?"
Shopkeeper says "of course that will be £10" bloke walks out and comes back 5 minutes later.
"Excuse me but you've put 11 bees in only paid for ten"
Shopkeeper says "yeah that's a free bee"

 

[BimboBob]

Egg and bacon in a frying pan

Egg says “its hot in here”

Bacon says “fuck me, a talking egg”

@Barcon likes this

 

[Blue Mist]

@Barcon likes this

Why ?

 

[Barcon]

Why ?

I like bacon and eggs or eggs and bacon (just covering my bases).

 

[Barcon]

@Barcon likes this

 

[BimboBob]

I like bacon and eggs or eggs and bacon (just covering my bases).

Well known for it.

 

[kippaxwarrior]

Elton John bought his pet rabbit a treadmill for Christmas as it was a bit overweight.

After 2 months if excercise it's now a little fit bunny....

 

[dickie davies]

I like bacon and eggs or eggs and bacon (just covering my bases).

On Saturday after the game, I called at a chippy and whilst waiting for my fish to be cooked a bloke came in and asked for curry and chips
The Chinese lady serving said "chips and curry"
The bloke responded "curry and chips"
The lady then repeated "chips and curry "

It really was like a comedy sketch

 

[jimharri]

Elton John bought his pet rabbit a treadmill for Christmas as it was a bit overweight.

After 2 months if excercise it's now a little fit bunny....

That's a Christmas cracker joke, has to be. And I'm ashamed to say, I laughed.

 

[citizen_maine]

Elton John bought his pet rabbit a treadmill for Christmas as it was a bit overweight.

After 2 months if excercise it's now a little fit bunny....

But now after 2 months of exercise...It's a little fit bunny

 

[Uwe Already]

But now after 2 months of exercise...It's a little fit bunny

Must have stuck it up his arse, as “it’s a little fit bunny, this feeling inside”

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Cellarite]

A bloke goes into a chippy and asks for steak and kidney pie and chips.
The woman serving says "sorry, we've only got cheese and onion pies."
"That's alright," says the bloke, "I've got my bike outside."

 

[sir baconface]

 

[hammocity]

Elton John bought his pet rabbit a treadmill for Christmas as it was a bit overweight.

After 2 months if excercise it's now a little fit bunny....

Cliff Richard was in Tokyo doing a concert, he shouted out for requests, one of the audience says:

“tits and fanny”

Cliff, asks “what?”

“tits and fanny”

Cliff says “thats not one of mine, please sing it”

“tits and fanny how we don’t talk anymore”.

 

[Bill Walker]

I came home from work last night and told my partner that I've been given a huge promotion at work which means I get my own office and I get to employ my own private secretary.

"Well, you'd better hire someone who's a bit old, fat and ugly," she said, "I don't want you choosing someone who you're going to be tempted to have sex with."

"That's fair enough," I replied, "When can you start?"