Joke thread

[andthesunshineband]

Something about a kid finding a welder's mask and walks down the street wearing it.
A man stops him and says "Do you know anything about masturbation?" and the kid says "No mister".
The bloke says "Do you know anything about cock sucking" and the kid says "No mister".
The bloke then asks "Do you know anything about anal sex?" and the kid says "Sorry mister, I'm not a real welder you know".

Beat me to it mate, top man

 

[snorky]

I don't get it

 

[Barcon]

I don't get it

I think welders must be known wrong uns.

 

[andthesunshineband]

I think welders must be known wrong uns.

This was back in late 70s early 80s when we had a bigger manufacturing industry. Humour was of its time.

 

[Barcon]

This was back in late 70s early 80s when we had a bigger manufacturing industry. Humour was of its time.

I'll try it my wife's Newfie cousin. He's a welder and a bit of a wrong un.

 

[DrBlueBob]

I'll try it my wife's Newfie cousin. He's a welder and a bit of a wrong un.

Is he a real welder?

 

[MellowJoe]

Something about a kid finding a welder's mask and walks down the street wearing it.
A man stops him and says "Do you know anything about masturbation?" and the kid says "No mister".
The bloke says "Do you know anything about cock sucking" and the kid says "No mister".
The bloke then asks "Do you know anything about anal sex?" and the kid says "Sorry mister, I'm not a real welder you know".

 

[BELLENDER]

Just had a police officer at my door looking for a man with one eye.
I told him if he used both eyes he would probably find him a lot quicker...

 

[goalmole]

After all that, he butchered the joke.

 

[Blue Mist]

Is he a real welder?

No he's a well deer. In Barkys neck of the woods that counts as a cousin.

 

[KS55]

I bumped into the ex the other day. She said she missed me. Normally that would be good, but she was reloading at the time.

 

[Dicko69]

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

View attachment 39098

I see that thread has been pulled

 

[FightLikeAGirl]

Q. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
A. He was dead.

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

Why did the pervert cross the road ?
Because he couldn't get his dick out of the chicken

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

What’s got two legs and bleeds?

Half a dog.

 

[dronefromsector7G]

My wife asked me, "Shall we go bowling or stay at home?" I replied, "I am sick of putting my fingers in holes that everyone has touched with their sweaty hands. Let's go bowling!"

 

[bluebaja]

I told my neighbour that I had just finished making a detailed model of Mount Everest.
He said, 'Is it to scale?'
I said 'No, just to look at'.

 

[Mad Eyed Screamer]

Police in Liverpool last night announced the discovery of an arms cache of 200 semi-automatic rifles with 25,000 rounds of ammunition, 20 tons of heroin, £5 million in forged UK banknotes and 25 trafficked Romanian prostitutes, all in a semi-detached house behind the Public Library in Toxteth.

Local residents were stunned, and a community spokesman said:"We're all
really shocked; we didn't know we had a library!

 

[dronefromsector7G]

Police in Liverpool last night announced the discovery of an arms cache of 200 semi-automatic rifles with 25,000 rounds of ammunition, 20 tons of heroin, £5 million in forged UK banknotes and 25 trafficked Romanian prostitutes, all in a semi-detached house behind the Public Library in Toxteth.

Local residents were stunned, and a community spokesman said:"We're all
really shocked; we didn't know we had a library!

That was even more predictable than mine