RadcliffeRick
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 27 Oct 2011
- Messages
- 9,059
- Location
- Kuala Lumpur Via Radcliffe
- Team supported
- Manchester City since 2008 Chelsea before that :-)
I told you I needed teaching. I missed that one :-)
Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Bigg Bigg Blue
Well-Known Member
You mean you didn't see it ?
East Level 2
Well-Known Member
He's wearing blinkers.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Things Confucius never said
Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.
Woman who dance wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom
Squirrel who runs up woman’s' leg will not find nuts.
Two wrongs do not make right, but two rights make U-turn
Man playing with tool not necessarily mechanic
Man who runs in front of car gets tired. Man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
Man who jumps through turnstile in airport going to Bangkok.
Man who stick penis in peanut butter is fucking nuts
Man who farts in church sits in own pew
He who keeps both feet firmly on the ground has trouble putting on pants.
Foolish man give wife grand piano for birthday. Wise man give upright organ
Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.
Woman who dance wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom
Squirrel who runs up woman’s' leg will not find nuts.
Two wrongs do not make right, but two rights make U-turn
Man playing with tool not necessarily mechanic
Man who runs in front of car gets tired. Man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
Man who jumps through turnstile in airport going to Bangkok.
Man who stick penis in peanut butter is fucking nuts
Man who farts in church sits in own pew
He who keeps both feet firmly on the ground has trouble putting on pants.
Foolish man give wife grand piano for birthday. Wise man give upright organ
Vienna_70
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 18 Jun 2009
- Messages
- 40,810
- Location
- 100, 32, 106, +79, 19
- Team supported
- Treble Winners 2022/23.
Brilliant!
bladdered
Well-Known Member
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Two commuters use the Tube to the City. They get on and off at the same stations, and having done it for years they occasionally nod greetings or even exchange a “good morning.”
One of them looked really unhappy one day and the other said “I know we haven’t been introduced but if you don’t mind me saying it you do look a bit peaky.”
“My false teeth are killing me.”
“Hmmm. If you let me have a good look I may be able to help you.”
“Oh please do...”
So he has look at his teeth and says “Give me a day or two.”
With this they parted. Two days later the sufferer was handed a package with false teeth in it.
He tried them and was astonished to find they were a great improvement but said they were “a little on the tight side.”
Tge other nan says, “Don’t worry, I’ll try again”
Two days later he offered another set, but alas the reaction was “Much better, but rather on the loose side.”
“Ah, I think I’ve got it! Let me try just once more.”
Sure enough, two days later he handed over a set saying “I think these will really be just right.”
Putting them in, the sufferer was astonished to find they really were a very good fit.
“Thank you so much. These are just right. You must be a wonderful dentist to be able to get false teeth to fit so well just by looking at them!”
Laughing modestly the man replied “Oh I’m not a dentist. I’m a funeral director.”
One of them looked really unhappy one day and the other said “I know we haven’t been introduced but if you don’t mind me saying it you do look a bit peaky.”
“My false teeth are killing me.”
“Hmmm. If you let me have a good look I may be able to help you.”
“Oh please do...”
So he has look at his teeth and says “Give me a day or two.”
With this they parted. Two days later the sufferer was handed a package with false teeth in it.
He tried them and was astonished to find they were a great improvement but said they were “a little on the tight side.”
Tge other nan says, “Don’t worry, I’ll try again”
Two days later he offered another set, but alas the reaction was “Much better, but rather on the loose side.”
“Ah, I think I’ve got it! Let me try just once more.”
Sure enough, two days later he handed over a set saying “I think these will really be just right.”
Putting them in, the sufferer was astonished to find they really were a very good fit.
“Thank you so much. These are just right. You must be a wonderful dentist to be able to get false teeth to fit so well just by looking at them!”
Laughing modestly the man replied “Oh I’m not a dentist. I’m a funeral director.”
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
I got some extra sensitive toothpaste ...
It really doesn't like it when I use other toothpastes.
It really doesn't like it when I use other toothpastes.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
My missus pointed next to her on the bed and said “come here”.
I took a closer look and it was actually just toothpaste.
I took a closer look and it was actually just toothpaste.
Stockton Heath Blue
Well-Known Member
We just had Ian Mellor's lads at our OSC meeting, who died from the very same thing. Bought his book for my next holiday reading.