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Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
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Anonymous
Guest
I felt like a fool when I bought Amy Winehouse tickets for my daughter and then remembered that she died last year.
Even more so when I remembered that Amy Winehouse died too.
I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.
The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.
Even more so when I remembered that Amy Winehouse died too.
I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.
The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.
sickboyblue
Well-Known Member
Whats black, white and red all over?
A self harming nun with a sword!
A self harming nun with a sword!
Half of Essexsamharris said:Whats orange and sounds like a parrot ??
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Anonymous
Guest
If my wife has got 6 oranges in one hand and 6 apples in the other hand, what has she got?
No chance of stopping an upper cut.
No chance of stopping an upper cut.
whats the defenition of 'endless love'??
Stevie wonder and ray charles playing tennis.
Policeman to man on street.." excuse me sir,why have you got a pink and yellow pillow tied to your head" ??
Man; " I always have a pink and yellow pillow tied to my head on Tuesdays"!
Policeman;" but today's monday"!!
Man;" oh fuck me..I bet I look a right ****"!!
Stevie wonder and ray charles playing tennis.
Policeman to man on street.." excuse me sir,why have you got a pink and yellow pillow tied to your head" ??
Man; " I always have a pink and yellow pillow tied to my head on Tuesdays"!
Policeman;" but today's monday"!!
Man;" oh fuck me..I bet I look a right ****"!!
I took a girl home after night-clubbing last night. After a few drinks at mine
we went up stairs and while we were taking our clothes off a voice came from the bed and said,
"I hope thats not that fat bitch from last week?"
The girl said "what the fuck was that?"
I said" its that bastard memory foam mattress!"
we went up stairs and while we were taking our clothes off a voice came from the bed and said,
"I hope thats not that fat bitch from last week?"
The girl said "what the fuck was that?"
I said" its that bastard memory foam mattress!"
BackofJeanette
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 20 Apr 2011
- Messages
- 1,658
My young nephew asked me how babies are made.
I had no idea how to approach it so I looked online and found a
video that explains it all.
I told him at the end of the video "It's basically just like that, only the white stuff on her face should have gone up her fanny".<br /><br />-- Fri Jan 27, 2012 11:48 pm --<br /><br />A pretty primary school teacher, is concerned about one of her pupil's,
So she take's him aside after class,
She say's,
"Jack,i'm concerned about your work,
You seem distracted",
Blushing,Jack say's"I'm in love miss",
Smiling,the Teacher say's"Who with?",
Jack say's"You miss",
The Teacher say's,"But Jack,dont you see how silly this is?,
It's true,i want a husband one day,But i dont want a child",
Jack say's"Dont worry Miss,I'll cum on your tit's".
I had no idea how to approach it so I looked online and found a
video that explains it all.
I told him at the end of the video "It's basically just like that, only the white stuff on her face should have gone up her fanny".<br /><br />-- Fri Jan 27, 2012 11:48 pm --<br /><br />A pretty primary school teacher, is concerned about one of her pupil's,
So she take's him aside after class,
She say's,
"Jack,i'm concerned about your work,
You seem distracted",
Blushing,Jack say's"I'm in love miss",
Smiling,the Teacher say's"Who with?",
Jack say's"You miss",
The Teacher say's,"But Jack,dont you see how silly this is?,
It's true,i want a husband one day,But i dont want a child",
Jack say's"Dont worry Miss,I'll cum on your tit's".
BackofJeanette
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 20 Apr 2011
- Messages
- 1,658
Trying to find a fit bird at the pub is similar to crazy golf.
You want the perfect hole,
but your balls normally end up bouncing round some hippo's teeth ! .
You want the perfect hole,
but your balls normally end up bouncing round some hippo's teeth ! .
beano46
Well-Known Member
The FA have brought a new rule out. anybody caught passing the ball to Andy Carroll will be booked for time wasting.
BackofJeanette
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 20 Apr 2011
- Messages
- 1,658
3 Irishmen in a bar. Paddy says"My locals better than this, you buy 2 drinks and the 3rd free"
Mick says, "Well in my local you buy 1 drink you get the 2nd free"
Murphy says, "Thats nothing. In my local you buy the 1st drink, then the 2nd, 3rd, 4th,5th,6th & 7th are free.
Then you go out the back and get a Shag
"WOW," says the other two,
"Has that actually happened to you?"
"No," says Murphy, "But it happened to my sister.
(sorry my Irish brethren )!
My wife has been missing for a week now. The Police said that 'I should now possibly prepare for the worst.'
so I had to go down to the Oxfam to get all of her clothes back...
I had a happy childhood.
My dad would put me inside a tyre and then roll me down a hill.
They were goodyears...
Mick says, "Well in my local you buy 1 drink you get the 2nd free"
Murphy says, "Thats nothing. In my local you buy the 1st drink, then the 2nd, 3rd, 4th,5th,6th & 7th are free.
Then you go out the back and get a Shag
"WOW," says the other two,
"Has that actually happened to you?"
"No," says Murphy, "But it happened to my sister.
(sorry my Irish brethren )!
My wife has been missing for a week now. The Police said that 'I should now possibly prepare for the worst.'
so I had to go down to the Oxfam to get all of her clothes back...
I had a happy childhood.
My dad would put me inside a tyre and then roll me down a hill.
They were goodyears...
BackofJeanette
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 20 Apr 2011
- Messages
- 1,658
A 7 year old & 4 year old are in their bedroom.
"You know what" says 7year old "I think its time we started swearing. When we go downstairs for breakfast I'll swear first then you".
"OK" says 4year old.
Mum asks 7yr old what he wants for breakfast.
"I'll have Coco pops, bitch".
WHACK, he flew out of his chair crying his eyes out.
Mum looked at 4yr old & said sternly "And what do you want?".
"Dunno but it won't be fucking coco pops."
Having a girl with a tattoo on the back of her neck is much like having a bathroom with a magazine in it -
It gives you something to read while you're in the
Just been to the barbers and asked for a liverpool fc....a mess at the back nothing on the sides and fuck all front, he charged me £130million
"You know what" says 7year old "I think its time we started swearing. When we go downstairs for breakfast I'll swear first then you".
"OK" says 4year old.
Mum asks 7yr old what he wants for breakfast.
"I'll have Coco pops, bitch".
WHACK, he flew out of his chair crying his eyes out.
Mum looked at 4yr old & said sternly "And what do you want?".
"Dunno but it won't be fucking coco pops."
Having a girl with a tattoo on the back of her neck is much like having a bathroom with a magazine in it -
It gives you something to read while you're in the
Just been to the barbers and asked for a liverpool fc....a mess at the back nothing on the sides and fuck all front, he charged me £130million
samharris said:Whats the best thing about sex with 28 year olds ??
Theres 20 of em..
Hahahaahaha *smacks back of own wrist*
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Anonymous
Guest
The Korean version of Marley and Me was probably a lot shorter...
sickboyblue
Well-Known Member
I recently found out my Grandad lost his left testicle in a duel.
He never liked to talk about it.
Touché subject.
He never liked to talk about it.
Touché subject.
doots
Well-Known Member
Bookies offering 10/1 for Carroll to score today.
For those who don't understand betting it means if you put a tenner on,you lose a tenner.
For those who don't understand betting it means if you put a tenner on,you lose a tenner.