Joke thread

BREAKING NEWS: Luis Suarez has been arrested for the murder of Whitney Houston in a racially motivated attack. Eye-witness Patrice Evra says he saw Suarez kill her at least 10 times. Sir Alic Ferguson has called for the death penalty to be administered to Suarez. Kenny Dalglish says he has never heard of Whitney Houston and has questioned whether she has ever actually existed. The FA has immediately responded by banning Mario Balotelli for 8 games and have taken away his passport.
 
FERGIE CHECK LIST:
Kung Fu-Kick a fan: OK
Miss a drug test: OK
Shag your brother's wife for years: OK
Shag a granny prostitute: OK
Refuse to shake a black man's hand before a game: DISGRACE - LIFE BAN.
 
BackofJeanette said:
FERGIE CHECK LIST:
Kung Fu-Kick a fan: OK
Miss a drug test: OK
Shag your brother's wife for years: OK
Shag a granny prostitute: OK
Refuse to shake a black man's hand before a game: DISGRACE - LIFE BAN.
Click to expand...

I blame Prince Andrew,he let her get away with murder.
 
Whats 6 inches long and wont be getting sucked on Valentines day???

Whitney Houstons crackpipe..
 
I was telling a girl in the pub about my uncanny ability to guess the day a woman was born just by feeling their breasts."Really?" she said. "Go on then... Try."After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience."Come on," she demanded, "What day was I born on? "Yesterday?" I replied.
 
bennyblue said:
I was telling a girl in the pub about my uncanny ability to guess the day a woman was born just by feeling their breasts."Really?" she said. "Go on then... Try."After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience."Come on," she demanded, "What day was I born on? "Yesterday?" I replied.
Click to expand...


Page 45 mate!

Always best to check!
 
A man went into a library and asked for a book on suicide. The librarian replied 'Fuck off your not bringing it back'.
 
Good news 4 all the ugly fat Fuckkas who didn't get Valentines card today......,.

Its pancake Tuesday next week.
 
A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the Counter and said 'Hi, I'm looking for a job'.

The man behind the counter replied 'Your timing is amazing. We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their Overseas holidays. The Salary package is £200,000 a year'.

The Scouser said 'You're bullshitting me!'

The man behind the counter said 'Well you started it!'
 
I shopped in Aldi last week and can recommend the Korean meat balls. They really were the dogs bollox.

I also got some Jamie Oliver sausages. Well I presume they were his; it said "prick with a fork" on the packet!

I saw the new Apple gadget for children endorsed by Kevin Webster....iTouch-kids
 
Whats 4 foot high and sits by a young child's bed ?











Gary Glitter's Boots
garyglitter.jpg
 
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