Joke thread

[mrcunny]

Statistics show 25% of women in this country are on medication for mental illness...........thats scary...........75% of the fuckers are running about with no medication at all

 

[Johnsonontheleft]

Why did the baker have brown hands?

Because he kneaded a poo.

 

[mrcunny]

Just had Yuletide singers outside, serenading me with "you're sh!t, and you know you are!"
I opened the door in a huff, and they explained they were Andy Carrol singers

 

[i kne albert davy]

Liverpool fans were left shocked and disappointed last night as the F.A. handed Andy Carroll an 8 week run in the first team.

 

[charliebigspuds]

did you hear about the scarecrow that got the Nobel Peace Prize, apparently he was outstanding in his field

 

[smudgedj]

The barman said, "We don't serve faster-than-light neutrinos in here"


A neutrino walks into a bar

 

[pieface]

Two women were sitting quietly together,minding their own business.

 

[manimanc]

said to my missus,
"hey,fat twat,what do you want for xmas?"
she said "don`t get fucking lippy.."
i said "right,mascara it is then!"...

 

[smudgedj]

What's yellow and goes phut phut phut?

An outboard budgie.

 

[Tricky Dickys Right Foot Shot]

I was watching clips of I'm A Celeb and it showed Fatima Whitbread wearing a small skimpy bikini and I couldn't help thinking to myself "don't get a hard on, don't get a hard on" but she did.