chumpster1
Well-Known Member
Whats black, wrinkled and floats in the bath ??....
No its not Whitney Houston, its Trevor McDonalds ballbag !
No its not Whitney Houston, its Trevor McDonalds ballbag !
Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Pride_In_Battle
Well-Known Member
speccybob 8 said:Whats 4 foot high and sits by a young child's bed ?
Gary Glitter's Boots
Please stop......
No only joking, I'll be nicking that one ;)
Pride_In_Battle
Well-Known Member
speccybob 8 said:Whats 4 foot high and sits by a young child's bed ?
Gary Glitter's Boots
Please stop......
No only joking, I'll be nicking that one ;)
Paul powers moustache
Well-Known Member
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative, he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services, he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services, he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing, even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer, he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration, he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing, although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist, all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist, all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector, all he ever did was lick it , God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative, he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services, he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services, he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing, even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer, he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration, he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing, although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist, all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist, all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector, all he ever did was lick it , God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
Arsenal's next European game reminds me of Heather Mills. The second leg is just for show.<br /><br />-- Fri Feb 17, 2012 2:15 pm --<br /><br />The wife said to me "you only ever want sex when you're drunk"
I said "That's bollocks; - sometimes I want a Keebab!"
I said "That's bollocks; - sometimes I want a Keebab!"
Johnsonontheleft
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 3 Aug 2010
- Messages
- 2,848
bonespost said:
Not funny.
brass neck
Well-Known Member
I went to my local district nurse who said i had a severe rash on my balls. She said your going to have to stop wanking, I said Why, she said cos Im trying to examine you!!
I just got knocked off my bike by a lorry salting the roads. FUCK YOU I screamed through gritted teeth!!
My mate said Your always pushing me around and talking behind my back, I said your in a wheelechair you dick head!!
I said to my son "where you going"
He said"Im off to meet a girl"
I said "Dont forget to wear a...you know"
He said, "do you mean a condom"
I said "no, a fucking hat you ginger cnut!"
I just got knocked off my bike by a lorry salting the roads. FUCK YOU I screamed through gritted teeth!!
My mate said Your always pushing me around and talking behind my back, I said your in a wheelechair you dick head!!
I said to my son "where you going"
He said"Im off to meet a girl"
I said "Dont forget to wear a...you know"
He said, "do you mean a condom"
I said "no, a fucking hat you ginger cnut!"
Ethan23
Well-Known Member
A pound coin was thrown onto the pitch at Ibrox. Police are trying to determine whether it was a missile or a takeover bid.
skyblue1894
Well-Known Member
A mystery lottery winner has made a bid to buy Portsmouth FC. His wife was quoted as saying "Fuck knows what he would have bought if he'd got 4 numbers"
mancste1980
Well-Known Member
There's a new sex drug out called "Viazac"...half Viagra & half Prozac. It's class, If you don't get a fuck, you don't give a fuck!
mammutly
Well-Known Member
The_Mo said:
That's funny!
jimharri
Moderator
Rangers FC wants its joke back!skyblue1894 said:
A pound coin was thrown onto the pitch at Ibrox. Police are trying to determine whether it was a missile or a takeover bid!
unsworthblue
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 27 Oct 2008
- Messages
- 4,104
the taxman has taken over Ibrox and decided to rename it the Inland Revenue Arena,or IRA for short,although its only provisional at the moment
gaudinho's stolen car
Well-Known Member
A pound coin was thrown onto the pitch at Ibrox. Police are trying to determine whether it was a missile or a takeover bid!
The missus said she was feeling horny as fuck last night and said she'd wait for me in the bedroom.
When I got upstairs she was lying on the bed licking a lollipop and then she started to slide it slowly into her pussy..............
I said "Steady on love - you'll need that to see the school kids across the road in the morning"
When I got upstairs she was lying on the bed licking a lollipop and then she started to slide it slowly into her pussy..............
I said "Steady on love - you'll need that to see the school kids across the road in the morning"
Uncle Wally One Ball
Well-Known Member
Was supposed to take my mrs out the other night. She was taking ages getting dressed in the bathroom so I went in to see what was happening. She said "Does this make me look fat?" I said yeah, but to be fair love it is a small bathroom.