Joke thread

A Geordie lad gets off with a Sheffield lass. He drops his pants, gets his cock out and the lass says: "Bye eck, that's a gud un". He says: "What's a gud un?" She replys: "It means a big one". She drops her knickers and he says: "Bye, that's a canny un". She says: "What's a canny un?" He replies: "A fucking big valley that cowboys ride through"
 
A little guy is sat at the bar, when all of a sudden a thug smacks him in the face and says "that's KUNG FU from Japan", a bit later the same thug smacks him again and says "that's KARATE from Korea", the little guy gets up and leaves the bar. A short time later he comes back and smacks the thug knocking him out cold and says to the barman "when that prick wakes up, tell him that was a fuckin SHOVEL from B&Q.....

.........................................


I've opened a bakery recently and a lady phoned me up, wanting a cake with 'I SUCK COCKS' written on it.

I thought it was weird but made it anyway.

Mrs Cox was pissed off when I delivered it.

So was her son, Isaac.
 
The wife asked how many women have I slept with? I replied, ''Only you...!

All the others kept me awake all night shagging...!"
 
For GSC

My wife was horrified when she found out the babysitter was pregnant.
."You sick bastard!" she screamed, "She's only 13, never mind the fact that she's disabled as well!"

"Whoa..!" I said, "What kind of sick pervert do you think I am?"
"Are you telling me that you're not the father!" she demanded."
Absolutely not," I replied,

"Not unless some of if it dribbled out of her arse."


.............................................
las vegas & wigan dont have much in common .

But they are the only two places on earth that you can pay for sex with chips.
 
TrueBlue76 said:
citykev28 said:
I gave the wife an orgasm the other night. The ungrateful bitch spat it out.
Click to expand...

truthfully laughed out loud at this one whilst in work. Had to show it to some of the lads to explian why I burst out laughing.
Click to expand...

Happy I could bring a brief ray of sunshine to your working day Sir.
 
paphos-mcfc said:
Paddy & Mick swap sandwiches at work....
Paddy spits it out & says "wot the bloody hell was on that?"
Mick replies "Crab Paste."
Paddy says "where did u get that?" Mick replies" Saw it on offer when I was in the chemist !!!
Click to expand...

ARF !!

-- Sun Jul 08, 2012 1:28 pm --

theinvisibleman said:
Old Macdonald has Tourettes, ee aye, ee aye, fuck!!
Click to expand...

Old macdonald had dyslexia k d k d z.


What did hitler say his men before they got into their tanks??

"get in your tanks men"

What did mrs Hyshida say to her kamikazi pilot husband husband before he took off..
"be careful love"
 
I rang Babestation the other night and the woman said, "Hi sexy, what can i do for you?"
I said "Fucking hide, my wife's coming and i've lost the remote!"
 
My wife just bought herself a new orange dildo.
She said 'it looks like a giant carrot!'
Which is ironic as her fanny looks like a donkey yawning
 
As I lay in bed I felt a hand slowly reach into my boxers and start to play with my
balls and stroke my cock. It was nice but I wasn't in the mood.
''Not tonight, I whispered, with a contented smile, ''I'm tired''
''It doesn't fucking work like that in here,''
whispered my cellmate.
 
What a load of bollocks it is about women multi tasking.
I've just told the wife to sit down & shut the fuck up. . .
 
Dont you just hate it when you're driving along, smoking a cigarette, you flick your cigarette out of the window, and you drive for a couple more miles and then you smell something funny, then you look over into the back seat and Grandmas' fingering herself again!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Unread Posts

Don't have an account? Register now and see fewer ads!

SIGN UP
Back
Top