Joke thread

Paralympians eh !! They can run faster than most,jump higher than most,ride bikes better than most and swim better than most..

so why do we have to park our cars further away from the entrance of ASDA's.
 
I went to see the Red Arrows today.

There were gasps of "Ooh" and "Aah" as the crowds watched on in amazement. Near miss after near miss had some people covering their eyes and shaking their heads in disbelief.

It was a good half hour's worth of entertainment, but in the end, my wife finally managed to park the car and we made our way to the air show....
 
My missus wanted to see jeremy kyle live for her birthday, so i got her sister pregnant........were on next tuesday
 
Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker. It was After Eight. They got off at Quality Street. He asked her name. "Polo, I'm the one with the hole" she said with a Wispa. "I'm Marathon, the one with the nuts" he replied. He touched her Creme Eggs and slipped his hand into her Snickers. He fondled her Flap Jacks and she rubbed his Tic Tacs. It was a Fab moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight and he shot his chewy centre. But 3 days later his sherbert dib-dab started to itch.Turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett and he's got fuckin Allsorts
 
bennyblue said:
Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker. It was After Eight. They got off at Quality Street. He asked her name. "Polo, I'm the one with the hole" she said with a Wispa. "I'm Marathon, the one with the nuts" he replied. He touched her Creme Eggs and slipped his hand into her Snickers. He fondled her Flap Jacks and she rubbed his Tic Tacs. It was a Fab moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight and he shot his chewy centre. But 3 days later his sherbert dib-dab started to itch.Turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett and he's got fuckin Allsorts
Click to expand...

sweet9dm838.jpg
 
To commemorate the release of the topless photos of Kate Midddleton, Royal Doulton will be releasing a collector's edition of two small jugs.
 
I was watching 'News at Ten' when my son came in the living room and asked me a question.

"Dad, what's a ****?"

I looked at him in shock and asked, "Son, where did you hear that word?"

"At school," he replied.

I thought, oh well, I'm eventually going to have to explain one day. Why not now? So I got up and said, "Follow me, son."

I took him into my bedroom where the wife was sleeping, naked, and threw off the covers. I pointed to the furry mound between her legs.

"You see that, son." He nodded. "That's a vagina. The rest of it's a ****."

BA-DUM-TSS!
 
My pet mouse blondie topped himself yesterday,
i came home and found him ........hanging on the telephone.
 
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