BlueHammer85
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 13 Oct 2010
- Messages
- 41,018
mrcunny said:
Shit
Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Shit
Bluemoon dan
Well-Known Member
An elderly Scotsman lay dying in his bed.
While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite biscuits wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.
With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen.
Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite biscuits, freshly baked.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Scottish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in crumpled posture. His aged and withered hand trembled towards a biscuit at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a spatula.............
"Fuck off" she snapped, "they're for the funeral."
While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite biscuits wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.
With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen.
Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite biscuits, freshly baked.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Scottish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in crumpled posture. His aged and withered hand trembled towards a biscuit at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a spatula.............
"Fuck off" she snapped, "they're for the funeral."
Markt85 said:
Not as shit as this shit tho eh,
http://www.google.co.uk/search?um=1&hl=en&tbo=d&biw=1024&bih=672&tbm=isch&sa=1&q=celebrities+wrinkles&oq=celebrities+wrinkles&gs_l=img.3..0l2.35624.38734.0.38937.12.8.0.4.4.0.137.826.3j5.8.0...0.0...1ac.1.Hb5OdNBSnvQ#biv=i|23;d|NzRQFJSDcuyATM/img]
Now that is shit.
paphos-mcfc
Well-Known Member
Larry Laprise dies at the age of 82. When the time came to put his body in the coffin, they put the left leg in.....and that's when the trouble started!!!
TCIB
Well-Known Member
nw42 said:
TCIB
Well-Known Member
Why did Sarah fall of the swing ?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, Knock
Who's thier ?
Not Sarah.
Because she had no arms.
Knock, Knock
Who's thier ?
Not Sarah.
TCIB
Well-Known Member
A merry christmas to you and your to my good man :)
My comical skills are and i say this without ego, legendary. :p
"When i come home i want a blowjob.
Can you not be more romantic ?
Ok, when i come home i want a blowjob next to a candle"
My comical skills are and i say this without ego, legendary. :p
"When i come home i want a blowjob.
Can you not be more romantic ?
Ok, when i come home i want a blowjob next to a candle"
Blue Tooth
Well-Known Member
Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam,
"What's wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman.
He said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes.
She will always agree with every decision you make.
She will bear you children and never ask you to get up in the night to take care of them.
She will not nag, and will be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.
She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and compassion whenever needed."
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God said, "An arm and a leg."
Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?"
The rest is history.
"What's wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman.
He said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes.
She will always agree with every decision you make.
She will bear you children and never ask you to get up in the night to take care of them.
She will not nag, and will be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.
She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and compassion whenever needed."
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God said, "An arm and a leg."
Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?"
The rest is history.
law74
Well-Known Member
Superb Blue Tooth, copied onto my wall on FB (ah well, the women in the family will have already brought me the pressies (just hope they are not footballs)
Bluemoon115
Well-Known Member
Ha!Blue Tooth said:
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
mr t said:
How could Jim have smoked his cigar with a mask on?
I reckon this picture might be a fake.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Ragnarok said:
that could have killed someone.