Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
An old pensioner is hobbling his way home through the red light district.
"Hey, Handsome, how about it?"
"You're joking," says the 90-year-old, "I just can't manage it any more."
"Ah, come on," says the lady of the night, "it'll be really nice."
After a bit of humming and hawing, the pensioner goes along and when they finally get onto her bed he rides her like a god, giving her multiple real orgasms and wearing her out. She can't believe it when he finally finishes and gives her a break.
"Wow, old man," she says, exhausted, "that was amazing. And you said you couldn't manage it any more?"
"Oh I can still do the business, darlin'," says the old geezer, "it's just that I can't pay."
"Hey, Handsome, how about it?"
"You're joking," says the 90-year-old, "I just can't manage it any more."
"Ah, come on," says the lady of the night, "it'll be really nice."
After a bit of humming and hawing, the pensioner goes along and when they finally get onto her bed he rides her like a god, giving her multiple real orgasms and wearing her out. She can't believe it when he finally finishes and gives her a break.
"Wow, old man," she says, exhausted, "that was amazing. And you said you couldn't manage it any more?"
"Oh I can still do the business, darlin'," says the old geezer, "it's just that I can't pay."
sir baconface
Well-Known Member
After spending five years working on a new mouse-trap, Paddy takes it to the patent office.
It consists of a ramp with a rusty blade at the top. Over the drop is a piece of cheese. Paddy explains: "The mouse walks up the ramp, leans over the blade to get the cheese and slices his throat in the process".
"No way. There simply wouldn't be enough pressure on the blade to slit his throat. Think again", said the patent officer.
Five years later, after much thought, Paddy returns with mousetrap mark 2.
"It looks just the same as before", said the patent officer. "The only difference is the piece of cheese is missing".
"But that's the whole point" replied Paddy excitedly. "The mouse climbs the ramp, leans over the blade and moves his head from side to side saying 'where's the fucking cheese?' "
It consists of a ramp with a rusty blade at the top. Over the drop is a piece of cheese. Paddy explains: "The mouse walks up the ramp, leans over the blade to get the cheese and slices his throat in the process".
"No way. There simply wouldn't be enough pressure on the blade to slit his throat. Think again", said the patent officer.
Five years later, after much thought, Paddy returns with mousetrap mark 2.
"It looks just the same as before", said the patent officer. "The only difference is the piece of cheese is missing".
"But that's the whole point" replied Paddy excitedly. "The mouse climbs the ramp, leans over the blade and moves his head from side to side saying 'where's the fucking cheese?' "
johnmc
Well-Known Member
sir baconface said:
Mice can't talk though? And what would attract the mouse to he trap without the cheese? Doesn't add up.
sir baconface
Well-Known Member
johnmc said:
Mate, you'll need to show a bit more imagination to become a successful inventor like Paddy.
foetus
Well-Known Member
What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?
I feel like a kid again.
paphos-mcfc
Well-Known Member
A bloke brings his best mate home after work.
His wife screams " you fucking dickhead, my hair and make-up are a mess, the house is a fucking mess, the dishes aren't done and I'm still in my fucking pyjamas. I can't be bothered to cook as it's the wrong time of the month!! Why the fuck did you bring him home????
To which the husband replies......."He was thinking of getting married"
His wife screams " you fucking dickhead, my hair and make-up are a mess, the house is a fucking mess, the dishes aren't done and I'm still in my fucking pyjamas. I can't be bothered to cook as it's the wrong time of the month!! Why the fuck did you bring him home????
To which the husband replies......."He was thinking of getting married"
D
D
dronefromsector7g
Guest
My granddad drowned in a bowl of Alpen. He got dragged under by a strong currant.
foetus
Well-Known Member
gold
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gf0zw6Mhrhs[/youtube]
Apparently O'Keefe continued to laugh like this for another few minutes haha
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gf0zw6Mhrhs[/youtube]
Apparently O'Keefe continued to laugh like this for another few minutes haha
She was standing in the kitchen
Preparing to boil eggs for breakfast,
wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in almost awake,
She turned and said softly,
'You've got to make love to me this very moment.'
My eyes lit up and I thought,
'I am either still dreaming or
this is going to be my lucky day.'
Not wanting to lose the moment,
I embraced her and then gave it my all;
right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said,
'Thanks,'
and returned to the stove, her 'T' shirt
still around her neck.
A little puzzled, I asked,
'What was that all about?'
She explained. .
'The egg timer is broken'
Preparing to boil eggs for breakfast,
wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in almost awake,
She turned and said softly,
'You've got to make love to me this very moment.'
My eyes lit up and I thought,
'I am either still dreaming or
this is going to be my lucky day.'
Not wanting to lose the moment,
I embraced her and then gave it my all;
right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said,
'Thanks,'
and returned to the stove, her 'T' shirt
still around her neck.
A little puzzled, I asked,
'What was that all about?'
She explained. .
'The egg timer is broken'
BackofJeanette
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 20 Apr 2011
- Messages
- 1,653
A midget clairvoyant has escaped after a incident in a supermarket.
Police are now saying there is a small medium at large<br /><br />-- Thu Aug 29, 2013 10:32 am --<br /><br />I was blessed with a nine and three quarter inch penis.
..
Unfortunately it belonged to our parish priest, Father O'Malley!
Police are now saying there is a small medium at large<br /><br />-- Thu Aug 29, 2013 10:32 am --<br /><br />I was blessed with a nine and three quarter inch penis.
..
Unfortunately it belonged to our parish priest, Father O'Malley!
BackofJeanette
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 20 Apr 2011
- Messages
- 1,653
When the psychiatrist asked if I was aware of my schizophrenia, I had to think twice.
M
M
mat
Guest
ashytheblue
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 16 Jan 2009
- Messages
- 530
If the door was closed to knock onto it, then how did the daughter know they didnt have clothes on? This just doesn't add up!citykev28 said:
mammutly
Well-Known Member
mad4city said:
+1
East Level 2
Well-Known Member
It could do though!mad4city said:
If the "7" is actually 7.4 rounded to the nearest integer and the "5" is 4.6 rounded to the nearest integer then the difference is 2.8 which when rounded to the nearest integer gives 3.
This riveting information brought to you by someone who occasionally forgets to correctly format cells in Excel.