Joke thread

[theboyfrombrazil]

I walked into HMV and asked the assistant if he had anything by the doors....

Yes he replied...a bucket of sand and a fire blanket !



I rang a local builder today and said " i want a skip"

"I'm not stopping you" he replied

 

[Cheese Butty]

The wife was nagging me for ages to put a shelf up in the front room, but as I am shit at DIY I thought that I should get some advice. So I went to the library and asked the woman there, " do you have any books on shelves?".
She just laughed at me.

 

[manchester blue]

The wife was nagging me for ages to put a shelf up in the front room, but as I am shit at DIY I thought that I should get some advice. So I went to the library and asked the woman there, " do you have any books on shelves?".
She just laughed at me.

Well, you only have yourshelf to blame.

 

[Anonymous]

The wife was nagging me for ages to put a shelf up in the front room, but as I am shit at DIY I thought that I should get some advice. So I went to the library and asked the woman there, " do you have any books on shelves?".
She just laughed at me.

Well, you only have yourshelf to blame.

I went to the library and asked the assistant if she had a book all about suicide. She said "fuck off, you won't bring it back!"

 

[Josh Blue]

We should drop yaya

 

[Juan King]

Have you tried a tarka curry? It's like a tikka but a little otter!

 

[CTID1988]

A fella walks into a bookshop & the assistant comes over.
'Do you like Dickens?' she asks
'Don't know' he says 'never been to one'.

This is a joke that would be told at a dinner party by men called Charlie.

"oh jolly good joke Charlie, a real ripper"

AKA I dont get it

 

[tiggsywiggsywoo]

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
The Gestapo!

 

[Juan King]

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
The Gestapo!

The Gestapo who?

 

[CTID1988]

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
The Gestapo!

The Gestapo who?

Nevermind that, where's your loft?