foetus
Well-Known Member
The autopsy report came back for Phil Hughes.
Ebola
I almost didn't post that :/
Ebola
I almost didn't post that :/
Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
TangerineSteve17
Well-Known Member
foetus said:
From someone who lives in Australia....that's just not cricket.
I shouldn't have posted this, but we can share the tastelessness
lazza
Well-Known Member
Two of those from foetus remind me of another....
A rabbit arrives at the gates of heaven, where St Peter is waiting to check he can be admitted.
"Question 1", says St Peter, "How did you die?"
"Well," said the rabbit, "I was out on the town with some of my bunny mates, and we called into a bar. I was getting rather hungry, so I ordered a pint of beer and a toasted sandwich with cheese and pickle."
"Hmmm... a pint of beer and a sandwich isn't enough to kill a rabbit" said St peter.
"No, that's true, but It was so delicious" replied the rabbit "that I immediately ordered a second pint and a ham toasted sandwich. I was beginning to get a bit full after that, but I suppose I was feeling a bit greedy, and the beer really gave me the munchies, so I ordered a third pint and a tuna toasty. I took one bit of the sandwich.... and next thing I know, here I am"
"Very strange", said St Peter, "that doesn't explain how you died"
"I reckon it must have been mixing-ma-toasties" sighed the rabbit.
A rabbit arrives at the gates of heaven, where St Peter is waiting to check he can be admitted.
"Question 1", says St Peter, "How did you die?"
"Well," said the rabbit, "I was out on the town with some of my bunny mates, and we called into a bar. I was getting rather hungry, so I ordered a pint of beer and a toasted sandwich with cheese and pickle."
"Hmmm... a pint of beer and a sandwich isn't enough to kill a rabbit" said St peter.
"No, that's true, but It was so delicious" replied the rabbit "that I immediately ordered a second pint and a ham toasted sandwich. I was beginning to get a bit full after that, but I suppose I was feeling a bit greedy, and the beer really gave me the munchies, so I ordered a third pint and a tuna toasty. I took one bit of the sandwich.... and next thing I know, here I am"
"Very strange", said St Peter, "that doesn't explain how you died"
"I reckon it must have been mixing-ma-toasties" sighed the rabbit.
Beswick Prize Bands Big Drum
Well-Known Member
You can hop along after that jokelazza said:
foetus
Well-Known Member
bennyblue said:
Barcon
Well-Known Member
lazza said:
I don't get it.
BillyBonds
Well-Known Member
Barcon said:
That's because only rabbits get myxomatosis.
Zubrman
Well-Known Member
BillyBonds said:
The UK introduced the disease to reduce wild rabbit numbers in the mid fifties.
This joke died shortly after that.
Barcon
Well-Known Member
BillyBonds said:
Never heard of it, still don't get it. Is it pronounced mixingmatoasties?
Mad Eyed Screamer
Moderator
Old man aged 74 wants to have great sex with his wife one more time but hasn't been able to ''get it up'' for a while.
He hears about a man who sells potions that can sort him out and goes to see him.
The potion man gives him some powder and tells the man his manhood will be bigger and harder than never before. ''Just take it with water and say 'one, two, three and it will last for 7 hours.'
The old man says 'that's a long time, my wife is 72 I don't think she will want sex for that long'.
'Simply say ''one, two, three, four'' and the erection will go' replied the potion man.
The old man gets home and is keen to try out the potion and asks his wife to come upstairs with him for the time of her life. He strips off, turns his back on his wife, drinks a glass of water with the powder in and says 'one, two, three' and turns round with the biggest hard on he's ever had.
His wife looks at him and said 'what did you say 'one, two, three for?'...........
He hears about a man who sells potions that can sort him out and goes to see him.
The potion man gives him some powder and tells the man his manhood will be bigger and harder than never before. ''Just take it with water and say 'one, two, three and it will last for 7 hours.'
The old man says 'that's a long time, my wife is 72 I don't think she will want sex for that long'.
'Simply say ''one, two, three, four'' and the erection will go' replied the potion man.
The old man gets home and is keen to try out the potion and asks his wife to come upstairs with him for the time of her life. He strips off, turns his back on his wife, drinks a glass of water with the powder in and says 'one, two, three' and turns round with the biggest hard on he's ever had.
His wife looks at him and said 'what did you say 'one, two, three for?'...........
jimharri
Moderator
Mad Eyed Screamer said:
TangerineSteve17
Well-Known Member
I'll just say sorry in advance.
I'm not very good with tools but I was trying my best to help a mate in his job of manufacturing kitchen worktops.
He said "Thanks mate, but this is just counter productive."
I said "Don't be so modest, it's a skilled job."
Whenever I go to my tailor, he always insists that I lie on the ground whilst he measures me. Well, suits me down to the ground really.
I've decided to end it with my girlfriend.
She said "Right, I want you to sell your original copy of Definitely Maybe. You are to act naturally, it's your only choice if you want us to be alone together.
What a moron!
I'm not very good with tools but I was trying my best to help a mate in his job of manufacturing kitchen worktops.
He said "Thanks mate, but this is just counter productive."
I said "Don't be so modest, it's a skilled job."
Whenever I go to my tailor, he always insists that I lie on the ground whilst he measures me. Well, suits me down to the ground really.
I've decided to end it with my girlfriend.
She said "Right, I want you to sell your original copy of Definitely Maybe. You are to act naturally, it's your only choice if you want us to be alone together.
What a moron!
ColinBellsjockstrap
Well-Known Member
TangerineSteve17 said:
wtf!
Don't call us...we'll call you....
jimharri
Moderator
A man walks into a a bar, drinks a couple of beers, and prepares to leave. The barman tells him he owes £8.
"But I already paid you. Don't you remember?" says the customer.
"OK," says the barman, "if you say you paid, then I suppose you did."
The man goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the barman can't keep track of whether his customers have paid or not. The second man rushes in, orders a couple beers, and later pulls the same stunt.
The barman replies, "OK, if you say you paid, then I suppose you did."
The customer goes outside and tells a friend how to get free drinks. The third man hurries into the bar and begins to drink double whiskies.
The barman leans over and says, "You know, a funny thing happened tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid, and both claimed they had. The next guy who tries that stunt is going to get punched in the...."
The man interrupts, "Don't bother me with your troubles mate. Just give me my change and I'll be on my way."
"But I already paid you. Don't you remember?" says the customer.
"OK," says the barman, "if you say you paid, then I suppose you did."
The man goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the barman can't keep track of whether his customers have paid or not. The second man rushes in, orders a couple beers, and later pulls the same stunt.
The barman replies, "OK, if you say you paid, then I suppose you did."
The customer goes outside and tells a friend how to get free drinks. The third man hurries into the bar and begins to drink double whiskies.
The barman leans over and says, "You know, a funny thing happened tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid, and both claimed they had. The next guy who tries that stunt is going to get punched in the...."
The man interrupts, "Don't bother me with your troubles mate. Just give me my change and I'll be on my way."
Zubrman
Well-Known Member
mad4city said:
I hope not.