Joke thread

[Pelly Greeny]

Oh so you did like the dead baby jokes...

Strictly, this falls into the category of Regurgitated Minor, but I take your point.

Regurgitated from 20 years ago! Any Diana ones to go with it?

 

[johnmc]

People say Bruce Willis is one dimensinal and only plays one type of character in his movies. Of course thats going to be the case. You know what they say about old habits.

 

[hackneyslim]

Any Diana ones to go with it?

What do honey bees and Mercedes have in common?
They both make Royal jelly.

 

[Zuriblue]

A man's driving along the road when he passes another man, naked and chained to a tree - butt facing the world, arms round it as if hugging it. Stopping his car, the guy asks the unfortunate how he came to be in such a plight.

"Well" he begins, "I was driving along in my brand new sports car, very proud of myself, when I saw a young lady hitchhiking. I pulled up, asked her if she wanted a lift, and we got talking after she accepted my offer.

"After a while, things were hotting up, and she asked me to pull over for a bit of alfresco fun. I do so, and the next thing I know, I'm given an almighty whack on the head, and when I come to, I'm stripped naked, chained to a tree, my car, phone and wallet are gone, and there's no apparent way out of it!"

The passing motorist listens, nods sagely, then drops his trousers and says "It's just not your day really, is it?".

 

[Blue Mist]

You can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it into water.

If it sinks: girl ant
If it floats: boy ant






[bigimg]http://i.imgur.com/vXwkyAB.gif[/bigimg]

Pudge, that is a joke, I loved that one, very good.

 

[SteWadda]

A man's driving along the road when he passes another man, naked and chained to a tree - butt facing the world, arms round it as if hugging it. Stopping his car, the guy asks the unfortunate how he came to be in such a plight.

"Well" he begins, "I was driving along in my brand new sports car, very proud of myself, when I saw a young lady hitchhiking. I pulled up, asked her if she wanted a lift, and we got talking after she accepted my offer.

"After a while, things were hotting up, and she asked me to pull over for a bit of alfresco fun. I do so, and the next thing I know, I'm given an almighty whack on the head, and when I come to, I'm stripped naked, chained to a tree, my car, phone and wallet are gone, and there's no apparent way out of it!"

The passing motorist listens, nods sagely, then drops his trousers and says "It's just not your day really, is it?".

This is a benny hill sketch only it’s a woman who has been ravished by red Indians and the sheriff terms up

 

[Alex the Blue]

The Irish have solved their own fuel problems. They've imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own oil.

 

[chris63]

It is claimed that a Scottish lottery winner is hoping to buy Rangers FC.
His wife says she has no idea what he would have bought if he got a fourth number up.

 

[ChicagoBlue]

Do you know why cannibals won't eat clowns?...............They taste funny!

Two nuns in the shower.
One says, "Where's the soap?"
"Yes it does, doesn't it" moaned the other.

Golden oldie ba-dum-dums

 

[mad4city]

The Irish have solved their own fuel problems. They've imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own oil.

Jesus wept... Pathetic on all sorts of levels.

 

[Wio Gumflapdinand]

The Irish have solved their own fuel problems. They've imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own oil.

A bigot was having problems trying to share his prejudice on to a public forum, so he came up with a shit joke and threw in the word Irish into it.

Can someone explain why it's alright still to make these jokes but if someone was to make a joke about a African it wouldn't be tolerated. I usually don't give a fuck or take offence from this but considering all the bitching recently about religions etc. I don't see "the guardians of bluemoon" jumping in to resolve this.

I know...it's a joke forum so
.....
What do Chinese men do when they get an erection?

They go out and vote.



Oh the ironing! Won't somebody think of the ironing

 

[JoeMercer'sWay]

The Irish have solved their own fuel problems. They've imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own oil.

A bigot was having problems trying to share his prejudice on to a public forum, so he came up with a shit joke and threw in the word Irish into it.

Can someone explain why it's alright still to make these jokes but if someone was to make a joke about a African it wouldn't be tolerated. I usually don't give a fuck or take offence from this but considering all the bitching recently about religions etc. I don't see "the guardians of bluemoon" jumping in to resolve this.

I know...it's a joke forum so
.....
What do Chinese men do when they get an erection?

They go out and vote.



Oh the ironing! Won't somebody think of the ironing

racist.

 

[hackneyslim]

Def Leppard are playing Blackjack.
The singer draws 19, and says 'Stick.'
The drummer says, 'I told you not to call me that.'

 

[mad4city]

Def Leppard are playing Blackjack.
The singer draws 19, and says 'Stick.'
The drummer says, 'I told you not to call me that.'

I don't get it. Was he not Irish?

 

[Pelly Greeny]

Def Leppard are playing Blackjack.
The singer draws 19, and says 'Stick.'
The drummer says, 'I told you not to call me that.'

Replace 'Def Leppard' for David Beckham and 'singer' for Posh

Drags it from a mid 80's joke to something people under 40 might get ;-)

 

[Blue Mist]

Def Leppard are playing Blackjack.
The singer draws 19, and says 'Stick.'
The drummer says, 'I told you not to call me that.'

Replace 'Def Leppard' for David Beckham and 'singer' for Posh

Drags it from a mid 80's joke to something people under 40 might get ;-)

Hang on.........

David Beckham are playing Blackjack
Posh draws 19 and says "Stick"
The drummer says 'I told you not to call me that'

Nah I think it still needs a bit of work that one.

 

[moggymoz]

Rang the council today to see if I can have a skip outside my house. He said you can cartwheel around the fucking block for all I care!

 

[Alex the Blue]

The Irish have solved their own fuel problems. They've imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own oil.

Jesus wept... Pathetic on all sorts of levels.

My apologies if I offended anyone. I was just repeating a joke I'd just heard.

 

[stony]

The Irish have solved their own fuel problems. They've imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own oil.

A bigot was having problems trying to share his prejudice on to a public forum, so he came up with a shit joke and threw in the word Irish into it.

Can someone explain why it's alright still to make these jokes but if someone was to make a joke about a African it wouldn't be tolerated. I usually don't give a fuck or take offence from this but considering all the bitching recently about religions etc. I don't see "the guardians of bluemoon" jumping in to resolve this.

I know...it's a joke forum so
.....
What do Chinese men do when they get an erection?

They go out and vote.



Oh the ironing! Won't somebody think of the ironing

[bigimg]http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0dwhznv1e1r6qqrzo1_500.gif[/bigimg]

 

[Sunny Coast Blue]

The Irish have solved their own fuel problems. They've imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own oil.

Jesus wept... Pathetic on all sorts of levels.

My apologies if I offended anyone. I was just repeating a joke I'd just heard.

It's a cracker- Made me laugh mate, keep em coming. haters gotta hate.